'Dating' and Egyptian guy for 3 months.... what is your opinion?

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hayaa_bi_taqwa

I totally agree with warped.

There are a couple of things to be weary about. First is the greencard issue. I'm not saying all Egyptians are like that, but alot of Arabs marry Americans for the green, and Egyptians will openly admit that it's common among Egyptians. When my husband and I first began talking about marriage, he was the first to mention the topic. His words were "Don't even mention greencard because it's not something we're going to worry about." And he was right, he's getting his greencard through his company.
A second issue is cultural differences. I was Muslim long before I got married, so I knew alot about the Arab culture, but there were still alot of things I didn't know. What I suggest is to put the love and romance on the side to talk about serious topics, one being cultural differences. Lay out all issues on the table so that when things arise in marriage, you'll be ready together to face them head on. Some of the things my husband and I spoke about and agreed on and prepared ourselves for were our ways of life and how to modify them to be compatible with one another, issues that may affect where we live, how we would raise our children, etc. Don't be afraid to talk about divorce as well. You certainly don't want it, but at least be prepared for if it would ever happen. We also talked about his parents' reaction to his marriage to an American and how we would deal with anything that would come up in that avenue. Since you guys are both of different religions, you should also talk about that as well, bringing up everything you can think of regarding them. You should talk about the rights and duties of the husband and of the wife in both Islam and Christianity. Ask him what he expects out of you and tell him what you expect out of him.
I don't mean to be so long and drawn out and detailed, lol, but I just want people to think about everything before committing. If more people did that there would be a heck of a lot less divorces and 48 hour marriages, lol!

So aside from aaaaalllllll of that, Egyptians are beautiful people, inside and out. I spent a month in Egypt with my husbands family and I've never felt so loved and welcomed. They really went out of their way to show me the beauty of Egypt and to make me feel comfortable. This is the Egyptian personality, he always cares for the others. They are also incredibly romantic! Just listen to the music, lol! I really wish you two the very best. Oh, and the fact that you two aren't intimate really helps to show his honor and reliability. Many people that come to the states tend to go a little wild and lose that conservative side. He's kept his and seems very respectful, and that's a great quality to have in a spouse. Shows self restraint as well, lol! Listen, if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to or you want someone sharing your situation, feel free to keep in touch with me. Don't be shy and feel free to ask whatever you want. Good luck and God bless!

Ruby

he seems serious yet a bit confused about u. His confusion might be caused by ur different traditions, background, and religion.He seems like a good Muslim into his religion and that's a good thing, but I totally understand what he is going through. He is stuck to his Eastern and Islamic traditions yet he also cannot run away from the fact he is living in a western country. I have gone through the exact same thing being an Egyptian and living in USA. Love is not a sin, if u guys think when u get to know each other for a longer period u have a huge chance of being in real love then go for it and the best thing after that is of course getting married. I do not understand what he meant by tryin out the boyfriend girlfriend thing, it makes no sense. we all know what this relationship is like whether we have tried it or not, and he sure knows if it is allowed in Islam or not. However, many Muslims still have bfs/gfs but not having sexual relationship with them and eventually they end up in marriage. I have known my husband 6 mo b4 we get engaged but did not refer to him as a bf, but as some1 I might get married to so try to get closer to this guy (not physically :D) n try to understand his culture more cuz that will help u a lot. and oh.. let us know how things go between u two :D good luck

Ismaily Rules

I believe he is as confused as you are. He doesn't know whether it is a good idea to marry you or not given the different cultures and the different personalities.
This is what I think is going on in his mind.

The critic flower.

He is not serious okay , he told you u doesn't believe in the relation ship he wanted to say but indirectly that there is a woman for fun and another for marriage , look may his mum look happy for your marriage but from inside she'll say she is foreign and different from us . look i don't mean to be rude but believe me he is not serious don't get blind cause of your love , if things worked these days it won't work in the future , sister that was my opinion ,and you have to think alot.

Good luck.

Berry

judging by what you said..he seems serious to me

Bryan H

He might be serious. Or the marriage question could have been followed with "Well there is no point in seeing each other" if you had answered in the negative.

The thing to be careful of is his sticking to "the old ways" in his perception of courtship. If he sticks to the old ways there then you can expect him to stick to the old ways in marriage.

Many things that are accepted in the Middle East would just not fly with American women.

If you want to retain your freedom make sure that you spell out your expectations before any commitment. And expect that the way you are treated will change if you were to visit or live in Egypt.

Gamal El Dean

I think he is very serious about you

but Just to make Sure 100 percent try this(its Risky)
offer an intimate relationship and tell him you need to think things over.

if he Agreed to make love to you then he is not the one

if he refused then he is your man and you will live happily ever after

Rahma

Most Egyptian men and women do NOT date. It just isn't done. Just because he lives in the US does not mean that he has adopted western behaviors. Muslims, if they are serious about someone, will not "date" them or have sex outside marriage. If he has asked you if you would visit Egypt, and if you would consider marriage, then it sounds to me like he is serious. My husband is Egyptian, also from Alex. I went there twice, I loved it. I also fell in love with the culture, the simple easy way of life, and last but not least, I fell in love with his family. We live in the US and visit Alex from time to time. If he is willing to wait a bit longer, and he's restraining from sexual activity, I think he will respect you more for not having sex with him until after you get married, provided your relationship goes that far. Fidelity, loyalty and respect are very very important to any Muslim man. If you do get married, remember this, and things will be wonderful. If you do decide to convert, I did, but way before we met, things will be different. It will mean so much to him, but if you convert, do NOT do it for him, do it for you. I converted and have never regretted one second of it. El Hamdu lillah! The Glorious Qu'ran says sex outside of marriage is harram. Sinful. Do not do it. The Qu'ran also says, do not argue, do not be angry. If you can remember that also, you'll be happier. :-)

warpedhybrid

Of course I can't guess his level of commitment, but I can tell you my experience w/ an alexandrian. His background is that he's from a fairly poor area and was living + working in the ct. area when I met him. He had been in america for 4 years and was the typical egyptian guy (as his friends were in a similar situation and acted alike in some ways) who just wanted to get married for multiple reasons if not for love. I've noticed that within time many of those who stay in the states used to the old cultural traditions tend to turn into someone just going to the mosque on fridays, eating halal food and participating in everything else they probably wouldn't have been able to do as easily in egypt. He could be interested in you only for the sake of a green card and lead double lives as many truly are after that b.c. life in egypt can be complicated if one is not wealthy + corrupt (seen it with a handful of his egyptian acquaintances who toss their wives to the side like last years easter eggs despite how much their spouses have played a great deal in making them who they are today; but since he invited you that may void that assumption. I do think he cares about you based on what you wrote, and eventually all things can be worked on/come to a compromise within time--so there's no need to spell out a bunch of demands before carrying on w/ a relationship w/ what u expect from him/what he expects from you. We just love each other and things work themselves out from there, and there are some hard points in the road (i.e., his unquestioning obedience to his mother even if she is off her rocker at times), but I really believe in taking a chance on love. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If you don't you'll look back and wonder what could've been...

aminahrice3

Beware! Know a person's culture and the type of life a different religion would be like for you. Muslim men can marry Muslims, Christians, and Jews but the children will be raised as Muslim. This can cause a big problem for you in your life. Are you willing to sacrifice your beliefs for another? I am Muslim, converted before I ever thought about finding a Muslim spouse. The first Muslim man I did eventually marry turned out to be very selfish and an absolute pig! Only my father-in-law accepted me but not the rest of the family which also made things difficult. Yes, my first Muslim husband Egyptian. He expected a maid and a whore when he married an American Muslim but he found out right away that I was neither. He never showed me respect but he expected to get respect from me. It was an ugly experience I will never go through again. We are divorced and I have since remarried to another Muslim man from the Middle East who is a wonderful husband and his family accepts me which brings us even closer together as a family unit. Just be careful, be observant, and be wise!

Finland Red Egypt White

Has he taken you home to meet his "Mummy" yet ? If he has, then he's serious.

Top Diva

I think he is very serious about you. I think that he said he doesn't believe in relationships because he doesn't fully understand the aspect of it. He probably believes that its a waist of time being in relationship if its not going to lead into marriage. If you are serious about marrying him u should make him wait before u become intimate with him. I also think you should continue getting to know him more. Try to find out what else he doesn't believe in . Good luck I hope it works out.

stfn314

He sounds very into his culture and i'll be surprised if he's serious with you if you're not muslim. Are you? He may expect you to convert/adopt. But other than that since he broached the marriage topic I guess he's at least a bit serious.

Angel of Retribution

Certainly you have still a long way to go and a long way to speak, just relax and enjoy the trip, thank about everyday first and put the feet on the ground and the eyes where you have to have it, give time to time and if still feels right then you can go deeper, I don't recommend mixed religions for myself but it can work out for other people, why not?, just make sure you speak BEFORE of all the issues for not having surprises after, I had met 3 different women that lasted 3 months on marriage with Muslims, but every single case is different, good luck...

The Stainless Steel Rat

I've read your plea carefully but do not have a direct answer your Q. I will be blunt to say the least but this is just information. I'm not Egyptian I'm a Greek (raised in the USA) who has spent more than 20 years in the area (Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Egypt, Iraq). You have no idea how different the cultures are.
The Egyptian culture, as it has developed in the last 40 years, is one immersed in religion. The whole nation prays 4 times a day, there are loud speakers everywhere down to street level. Shops run readings of the Koran; taxi drivers have cassettes with the Koran. The Muezzins preach only on the evils and females are one of those evils. The attitude towards women is Appalling by our standards. The reason women are forced to cover themselves is because you are provocative. Not just your anatomy but things like your fingers, your hair, your toes, and your neck. Although not advertised a lot of Egyptian women have undergone female circumcision (a euphemism for the removal of the clitoris). Women are basically chattel, property.
There is too much poverty and oppression. A handful of families are in possession of most of the wealth of Egypt. It is a Democracy on paper only- it elects a president and come election time there is only one candidate who gets over 90% of the vote!!! Syria has the same kind of democracy just as Iraq did. Police and military are everywhere. Freedom of speech is not a concept. You have to agree with the government and you have to agree with the religious leaders. Foreign magazines are censured not only for indecent pictures but also for articles. The educational standard is appaling including university.
I could go on but my point is this is the environment your Egyptian friend grew up in. He might be one of the few rich Egyptians n which case he might ignore what is happening, or he may be one of the unfortunates. No matter they are deeply immersed in that environment. Before you commit a visit to Alexandria is a must. Get a hands on experience of what it means to live in Egypt. Good luck.

igi

he can have 4 wives
are you 1 2 3 or 4

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