Asking other women...(men welcome as well)?

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Acceptable circumstances for a man to take a second wife?
Depends what HE calls acceptable.

Taking a second wife without the consent of the first creates an 'imbalance' between the wives and therefore is not allowed.
A second wife can be taken with or without the first wife's approval unless it was agreed upon differently in the marriage contract.
The right to take more than one wife is given by Allah and therefore neither the first wife nor a marriage contract can stop it. (Smile)
But if the wife has stipulated a condition in the marriage contract, that her husband is not allowed to take another wife as long as she is married to him, then the husband should adhere to the condition and is obliged to take her permission before taking another wife.

Thanks for not making any judgments, coz it really troubles me when people get so judgemental and claim the higher moral grounds deciding who is worthy of respect and who isn't, who is a fool and who isn't , etc. Unless you stand in somebody else's shoes, you can't make such judgements.
Here are a few cases from real life to ponder on:

1- a professional lady who's reached fourty and is desperate to have a baby. She can easily buy herself a toyboy, but she'd rather get married to a mature respectable man (a professional, a university professor, etc) even if he's married.

2- a young widow with two children. Being young and not a career woman, she couldn't easily find a job. Even if she did, she won't be paid well enough to support her children. So she opted for marriage. If she could find a single guy (highly unlikely but not impossible) she'll go for him, or a divorcee or widower, if she doesn't she'll consider a married one as long as all concerned agree. Being young she does have emotional and other needs that need to be fulfilled. Women are human too, in case you don't know.

3- A mature lady in her mid 50s with no children whose bugger of a husband devorced her recently. She's always been a house wife albeit with a busy social life. Again she'd prefer a mature professional, single, divorcee or widower if possible, married if not. For company in the later days and to socialise together. She prefers to be "half a wife"!! because she needs time to herself as well, and not just for him.

4- this is the one I found most unusual, a couple decided that the husband should take a second wife who's disabled! perhaps blind or with a severe mobility problem to bring happiness to her life!!! Would you call such a second wife (or even the first one for that matter) a fool or with no self respect/worth. I found the view of the couple highly altruistic, worthy of respect, just too good to be human!

The more one gets experience in life, the more s/he sees, understands and appreciates other people's situations and become more tolerant of their view.

Misiyar' marriages are always conducted in secret and unlike formal marriages, the wife has no rights. The husband also has no moral or financial responsibilities towards her.
But it could be a bright side in solving problems of unhappy and lonely widows and divorced women who need protection and the affection of men.
These kind of marriage is very often misused and is herefore also called: "travel marriage".

Take care!

edit: Mintee: I like your answer especially when you mentioned bringing home STD.
To understand these things you need to be raised in a different society than the west or are really willing and able to adopt different rules and culture. Guess you did that. Congrats on your hubby.

edit: samer: Nikah Misyar is either haram nor illegal. Men over here are doing it more and more for a certain reason. Guess you are no Sunni.

Kuli

1. Personally, I don't find any circumstances acceptable. Hoewever, for a Saudi Muslim, acceptable circumstances would be his wife not being able to have children or becoming mentally ill.
2. I'd never be a second wife, and I don't think it's acceptable for anyone to be a second wife. I'm not saying that out of disrespect, but just because I think it's better for women to have one husband who gives them all of their affection.
3. Misiar marriage served its purpose for the soldiers fighting with Mohammed, but now a days, it's not necessary. A couple should take on more resonsiblity for each other, not just recieve physical benefits. If someone is lonely, I'd advise having a meaningful friendship and volunteering in a position that helps others.

I fall into the non-Saudi category, so maybe my culture influences my decisions to not support most of these circumstances.

pumpkin

1- never
2- never

I hope it helps:))))

Adam

Just a note' Misiar marriages are Not Islamic. A marriage in Islam is for the purpose of living together, being/creating a family, so ANY marriage which is not done with that purpose in mind (such as marrying for legal papers) (muta marriage) is generally regarded as not being corrrect. I hesitate to use the word haram as I see so many people in here doing, but I am not a 'alim' scholar and i dont think anyone else is honestly. There are also different schools of thought as to whether the man needs the agreement of his 1st wife to take a second, etc etc.....

ABC

Well, I didn’t marry the first wife yet, and I never plan or think to marry more than one, but maybe I will marry two wives if I felt I am “”in need”” for another wife and I was 100% sure that I will not harm my first wife and I will be fair between them and I was 100% sure that will not affect my children life.
I am against misiar marriage, because marriage is not only sex.

NYC Chutzpah

An interesting question. The concept of more than one wife is so alien to me. Such a different life style than the one I live. There are times I could see being a first wife with a second wife in the house to help with the house work or to take care of the husband when I have a headache, but that is what a housekeeper is for, (except the taking care of husband part) Couldn't imagine life as a second wife, that doesn't happen here. I find it interesting that you mention one of your friends is divorced, happy , but a little lonely. WS from NYC
Misiar marriage sounds like a nice option for a woman that wants companionship without all the work and responsibilties of being a wife :)

Bindy

1. After he is divorced after his first wife.

2. After he is divorced from his first wife, after he has earned my trust, and after I found out that are lives were compatible with one anothers goals.

3. Tell your friend to take her time to meet Mr. Right. Someone who does not want to "run the show". Someone who does not mind a woman partner to contribute to their life long goals.

mandy

i think its degrading to women...d idea jst disgusts me...
d thought of my children wondering which house their fathers in n knowin my husband is sleepin wid sumone else who he calls his wife?i wudnt b able to stand it..marriage is a sacred bond between two people by bringin a third or fourth party..u r destroying d entire thing.i fear the thought of this happening to me one day!!!

uh-oh! It's Elisa!

okay, well i'm only like 13, but i'll answer this best as i can.

1)acceptable circumstances: as long as both wives, 1st and 2nd agree that they're fine with it...but only really if this 2nd wife has family problems and her husband ditched her or something and so this man is marrying her to help her out...

2) to be a second wife...circumstances...first of all, i would want to understand that my new family is accepting of me. okay, now i'd only be a second wife if i really had to get married, but for some reason, nobody would marry me.

yes, i dunno, this is so confusing.

i don't know what misiar marriage is, so i'll leave that blank.

hope that helps!

A.S

OK this really serious staff and most who answer above is women
now is man
1- 'acceptable' under conditions ,like ,
for examples
A- if his wife is older than him " like older for 10 years old" and he feel kind of sexual need so his choose his limited between have sex with ***** or sex with new wife

B- his wife she loosed her mined or she get very sick especially she have to stay in the hospital for very long time ,not all the man can hand his life waiting for more than 5 years with out wife so he will married other women

C-a man he get very sick and he need nurse to take care of him ,in Islam religion not allowed for women to stay with man who is not her husband especially she is going to see some part of his body " the magic part" so he get married with her so she can take care of him ,but this is not happening allot ,

2- when be fear between them
3-'misiar' it have allot of meaning
the one i know that , apoor man how don't have enough money to get married like he can't buy House ,car & food and there is women she is rish and she is in love with him , she can marry him and she will the sponser for the marridge
which is OK

any way for me i prefer to have one wife only and live natural

Mintee

here again.. I agree with "h"s response.. totally..
also during the time when this Islamic rule was given down, it was in a time of hardship and such on earth.. There were wars going on.. Men went off to war and never came back, died. hardships, disease, starvation, no work, famine, etc all during those times.. Women found themselves as widows with 7 kids to take care of.. They were housewives all during these times and had no skills to support themselves. They would much rather become (a half wife as "H" says) then see their children starve.. So to be brought into a generous household as a 2nd wife and family helped out many people.
Also other scenerios.. Man marries women and finds out she is barren.. He loves her dearly but wants to be a father no matter what... He could divorce her, yes, but he chooses not to. He then goes an marries a 2nd to have children and bring on his name. And actually the first wife is delighted, cause she can help the 2nd wife in mothering the many children she will have and 2nd wife is overjoyed that she has a live in nanny as such to help her.. All is happy in this scene. ..
... also what makes me laugh is in the west, especially USA, men (now not all mind you) but loads of husband just go about having affairs.. It seems common that men sleep with more than 1 women in their lives.. They are thought of as weak if they dont.. They are studs to their male friends.. they laugh about it around the cooler at work.. And only stop if they actually get caught (yes I watch too much Dr.Phil) .. So in essense they have more than 1 women, but all the women of the west snob their noses at muslim men that actually legally marry more than 1 women?... Would you rather your husband sleep around illegally and might bring home aids, or your husband just marry another and she be pure and clean?.. This doesnt mean every muslim man does this.. In fact, its rare that they do... But Im just stating facts.. think about it.

loolita

1) no
2) how can I be if I don't like to share my husband with another women.
3) ???

I like to add that 2nd or 3rd wife shouldn't change the wives life they should be clever and don't stop their life for that,,
men need women more than women's need,
why do am i say that??
I know about families which disintegrate due to the 2nd wife,,
we should think about our children, and search about the reasons that they find out another woman to fix it,,
and men should understood that also thy r change & become older, will they accept if we have 2nd husbend((if it possible!!))..

The Ministry of Common Sense

I carefully read through each answer here. In each one I found a point to argue. But as I was almost to the end, I read ADAM's answer. It seems ADAM has said plainly and presicely exactly what I was thinking. So instead of answering myself I will just say thank you to ADAM.

But I would like to add one small comment. What about love?
No one really mentioned this. I think this is the most important thing in any marriage.

Chem

I think only f I can’t have any children or maybe very sick and can’t take care of my family. If it was the first cause I can’t argue about his right to have children however, things is not that easy to imagine I really felt that I couldn’t accept or tolerate the idea. I think I will get divorce and adapt child or two and continuo my life. About the ‘misiar’ personally I don’t find it acceptable marriage and I discussed it many with others. I realized that some special cases men and women found it as acceptable solution to satisfy their personal needs as well as the society. My personal opinion about this I’m totally against it because it has neither meaningful obligation nor rights.

wolf

I am the 2nd wife of a Saudi man so I could probably answer. First off a Muslim man is allowed to take more then one wife if he can be fair to them all and treat them equally. Secondly most men don't have more then 2 wives. In fact it's rare to see a Muslim man with more then one wife. In Saudi Arabia the Government says all men under the age of 30 must have the permission of the government in order to get married which is why the Saudi government has no idea that me and my husband are married as he can get serious trouble for that. I think that the only reasons a man should be allowed to take a second wife is if the first wife is unable to produce children for the husband which was the reason my husband married me and because his first wife practially ordered him to do so. I've no idea what a misar marriage is as I'm not Arab. I knew about my husband's first wife before we were married because he wanted an honest relationship with me and has plans to bring his first wife into Saudi Arabia to live with me and our husband in one house. I think polgamy is better then being personal property and polygamy was made so that women can be married and be finacially secure. I think if the first wife is fine with her husband taking a second wife and the second wife is fine with sharing her husband then it is ok. However technically my husband and his first wife are not legally married because their marriage is not valid according to Saudi Law and the Government of KSA because a Saudi man can NOT marry a forgien woman unless she is from the UK or USA.

jan in uae

This is an interesting question. I have asked many Muslim women about this. They told me that Islam says that a man should only take on a second wife if he can treat them all the same which the Prophet Mohammed said is very difficult to do. They also said it should be done for reasons such as that the first wife could not bear children but not done just for lustful reasons. However, here in the Gulf there are many men with 2-4 wives and I am sure that it is not done for a reason other than their pure pleasure. Many also have a succession of wives as they will keep divorcing the older ones and replace them with younger ones. Truly this must not be acceptable in Islam.

Rema Abood

there is no space to speak more than written above

dreamz

First of all, Misiyar marriages are HARAM! I do not believe men should take more than one wife at a time. He can always divorce her and marry another if things are too much wrong. There is no necessity in having more than 1 at a time. Also just because she gets ill or disabled or blind IS NO EXCUSE TO MARRYING ANOTHER TO RUIN HER MARRIAGE LIFE FOREVER. In Christianity, I know they say vows when married and part of them is "Do you take this woman in sickness or in health..for as long as u both shall live?" I like this vow.I believe the Prophet Mohammed(pbuh) only married many women after Khadija dies to help those poor women because they were mostly women who their husbands no longer wanted them (threw them to the street, they had no where to go), divorced and in hard situations, who needed a protector, and who better than the great leader prophet(pbuh). He took them in, helped them and they were happy. Now men use him as an excuse for their wrong reasons for wanting another wife. Now men only take many wives to help themselves. They use them and may abuse them. And usuary is haram in Islam. If u ever marry a Muslim and he tells u i want to marry another ife and have any other woman other than u, DIVORCE HIM sister dont let no man ruin your life. Polygamy is not right and only weak or ignorant women would put up with this.

il kindome di cielo₪

لف المروحة الدينيا مروحة
we only have one life to live so live and let others live (what i mean is pls. stop your questions it is annoying)

Tartine au chocolat

I'm sorry, that 'misiar' thing, it's haram! It is forbidden by islam. Or you date, or not. There is no such thing as 'legal dating'!!
ANd, no thanks for second wife (to be or o have. ) . It is true that it is ok in religion, but it was made only so it can help the community. If there is a lot of woman for a little amount of men. People now use it as pleasure only, in a really bad way. They marry a woman, and as soon a she gets older or become less attractive, the marry an other and younger one. This is sooo bad!
Hey, girls, if you want you husband to stay love you and never take an other one, stay ATTRACTIVE to HIM. Continue to put make-up on, and don't stop wearing nice and sexy things as soon as 2 month as passed. And continue to do DALA3 (sexy voice and sexy walking...) you know what i mean.
I swear it work!!
p.s. i'm a girl, i only write in the name of my hubby!

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