Girls ... about marriage these days?

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cleo x pat

I have been married to an Egyptian man for 3 years now. We met 5 years ago & became very good friends, still are & this is very important in a marriage.

I am English & for me the traditional wedding with the white dress etc., was always a dream & the diamond engagement ring too. Having said that i realised that the person i would marry & spend the rest of my life with would be more important to me than these things. I did have the white dress & a very nice wedding party, the ring & other items of jewellery have come later.

I read Little Egyptian Princesses posting(now my mums avatar)again this brought a tear to my eye & a lump to my throat, maybe my feeling too were similar to that of her late mother in as much as "it's not the thrills & fancies that matter it is the person(s) themselves.
My husband has shown me total love, respect & support throughout the years i have known him. He is not a millionaire, we get by on our love & understanding of each other, we work hard together @ our marriage & our business that we have here, this is worth more than any possession or material thing.

Alex

Hi Mr Wise,

I am too young to think about such things but I answer for my late beloved mom.

My parents had two marriage parties, one here & in one in England, when they were offered an elobarate wedding party by both sets of my Grandparents they asked that instead of grand gifts all the guest donated money to Charities. Both families were/are business people& my mom was not concerned with a dowry. To My Mom all the frills & fancies ment nothing to her it was my father that made her day.. & the rest of her life & mines too!!

¸¸.•*´`*♥ Farah ¸¸.•*´`*♥

Salah, I have no idea what your wife asked for, but apparently it was lot! looooooool

Personally, I can honestly say I didn't want a wedding or shabka. The mahr was used to buy stuff for the home so I didn't get it all to myself either. I could care less about all that stuff. All I honestly wanted was a decent religious guy who knows his duties as well as his rights and who would treat me bima yordy Allah. I won't pretend that money doesn't matter because it does. I didn't want a rich guy, just someone who can provide a reasonable standard of living ... the basics I'm accustomed to in my parents' home.

It was my parents (mainly my mom!) who told me I was being idealistic and naive and would regret not having a wedding or shabka later when I grow up and see other relatives having all that. Now 11 years later the diamond shabka is kept in its box and is never worn and the money spent on the wedding would have been better spent on a longer honeymoon abroad I think. All that matters to me now is that I have my beloved husband and daughter who mean the world to me. That's all that really matters.

Oh, another thing I HATE is the traditional furniture I was forced to buy! hehehe "odit ilsalon ilmodhab!" ya3333333333 I hate it from all my heart! It's not used either ... just sits there useless like that shabka! "siiiiiiigh*
It was my hubby who gave in to my parents' nagging about "what would people say if you don't have a "salon"?!!" I was firmly against it till the last minute! Every time I see it I smile! lol

sure i'd love to wear a "white dress" with my husband wearing his lovely "suit" :-)

but it shouldn't be that very expensive dress, on the contrary, i'd love it to be so simple, unique as well as rich in its style !!

the wedding day is the bride's day.......and i think she has the right to experience such a lovely moment, in which she's wearing her dress and preparing herself to move to her beloved home, and start a new sweet life with him !

so, as you see, it's not a "mere" dress........ it "Symobolizes" many things for me at lest as i said, and even much more :-)

and about shabka and Mahr, i don't know enough about them.........but what i know, that the most important thing to me, will be his "wedding ring" to me :-)

Ruby

Look, no girl will accept to get married without a white dress and a wedding party no matter how poor the groom is. I personally would have had a problem with that. The dress and wedding have such a special feeling and it is just a once in a lifetime thing so u can't let go of that. Shabka or dowry might not be as important, but they are still a significant part of marriage cuz some ppl care abt how they look in front of friends and relatives adn think that such things make their daughters gain respect and be valued.
If the groom is kind of poor, things can be arranged to fit the groom's budget. for example, if there is a wedding party that costs up to 10,000 le and another that is around 5,000 le or less, they can choose the cheapest that cud fit their needs. Instead of having the wedding party at a famous club and pay an arm and a leg, they can do it at home or anywhere less costy. As for the shabka "gold" and mahr, they dont have to be sky high. a gold band and a ring wud do.
For me personally, it wouldn't have been a huge deal if my groom was poor. I would try to manage and live on his budget "la tokalaf nafson ella wis3aha" and maybe rent a wedding dress. However, in my wedding, I strongly refused to rent a wedding dress and bought a brand new one, but that's because my husband was well off alhamdulilah so I didnt have to go through that. If I was put in a situation where my husband was not gonna be able to afford buying me a new dress, I would have SADLY gone for a rented one...
hope u get my point, sorry I'm talking to my mom at the same time so im kinda disturbed but I had to finish this :D

¸.•*´`*•.¸ ℓανєη∂єr ¸.•*´`*•.¸

It wouldn't matter to me if I didn't have a fancy wedding dress and a party. The most important thing would be that I have my partner and I am able to marry him. He is all I want, he is my happiness, not a dress or a party.

Nony

About me I will agree to marry without wedding party but I want to wear a White dress even if it were rented.
I will choose Shabka even if it were small ring because it will still with me as a memory but mahar will be money & money alawys goes away.

Ranoush(ppl thumbed me down:p)

about the wedding party,we can compensate it with just zaffa after katb ketab in the masjid,i really dnt care i just care about "esh-har"

about the shabka or mahr:neither but for my family it's probably the shabka,anyway after wards if we needed it I'd sell it,it's useless comparing to sth nessacry missing in the house

Salloo7a

I am not a girl but still want to answer based on experience.

No sir, they will cry their hearts out until they get the white dress and the wedding party no matter what.

No sir, they would go for Shabka because this is what shows on their arms and neck, but Mahr only goes for trivial objects like furniture and stuff, who cares.

@farah:
Don't worry, she used to ask as much as any girl would ask but now Al7amdulellah, I give her more than she can handle.

~ Noha ~

"Did the pharoahs wear sunglasses ?" ....
this was the first question popped to my mind once i saw your avatar ,my dear brother .....nyahahahaha :D

to answer your question,my concept is that:

concerning the white dress and wedding party,i'd say "yes" i wanna wear the white dress,coz this inshaa'Allah would be my first and last chance to wear it .... i won't get married everyday.....so,i think this day has to be unique although i don't mind it being simple....I really don't believe in spending too much money for just one night......that is called "squandering" and it's haram asln
Also,the wedding party, what's important for me is that to be surrounded by those whom i love at this special night ....when i'll go to my sweetheart's home.........with my wearing the white dress & my lovely husband wearing his black suit ..... walking together hand in hand.......Ameen :)

As for Shabka & Mahr,i really don't know.......i think my father does however ......hehehe

what's important for me is the "wedding ring" on which my sweetheart's name will be engraved........coz it will be engraved in my heart first,so i wanna it be engraved on the ring i'll wear. ..... it's a love token from my soulmate......and i don't care much about al shabka...

I also believe that if i wanna marry the man i love, whom i believe in,and he is not ready,i have to be patient and be by his side at his ups & downs ...and never to ask him for anything he can't afford ..... coz he is more precious to me than any materialistic thing i could wish to have.
my real gift is my soulmate,and i don't wanna anything but him.......and i mean it !!

@ Ahmad:
you don't wanna me say "nyahahaha"
ok....then .....
Nyahahahahahahahahahahahaha
nyahahahahahah........nayahahahahaha
nayahhahahahahahahahah
nyahahahahahahaha

:p :p

Majority of Egyptians are unique because they choose love marriage unlike other countries and cultures - its a romantic place- hence best for movies, songs..

Its good to recieve both if the family and the man can afford it. If not and you love him does it matter?

Sometimes the only financial security a women has is what is given at the wedding time. Each woman is unique, for me the gold and the gifts that a husband provides from his hard work of us together after married life deserves the most respect above all, this is from his own sweat and tiredness, not from parents and so on.

And this is why for sure one of the reasons i would kiss the foot of my husband - i really respect his morals for halal money and working hard.

The Clown

A real man (husband) is more important than anything else.........

Gigi (i wish i could)

All it is matter with me is the personaility

but i will ot laugh at my self and u

what will he feel when i take more salary than him

what will he feel when i from a family financially more than his

what will he feel when i before marrying him lived in a better financial than now (marrid to him)

what will i feel when i go to a wedding and to see the 3arees we 3aroosa in kosha while i will never have a party like that and i will be the only one who always watching

what will my parents feel ????????

its sooo complicated its not about our acceptance only but also about what life will force us

second if a girl will sucrifice then the boy will sucrific
if she will sucrifice for her wedding
the he will sucrifice and make the 3esma in her hand as well as he

i know many ppl will thumb me down

but i dont like to be monafqa or 3abeeeeta

ஜ☆§weet Angel☆ஜ

I am non-Egyptian, never married but in love with an Egyptian boy.

I think all girls think about the wedding day, with a white dress and the marriage ceremony.

About the white dress.... well, I don't care if it is an expensive dress or a very simple white dress, but sure I would like that the dress would be "white".

About the wedding party.... if we don't have money for a wedding celebration or party...... a dinner with habibi and his parents and my parents would be ok for me and I am sure it would be ok with him too.

I live in the American continent and I have attended a lot of weddings and I have seen (sadly) that many who had made big parties (in 5 star hotels, very very expensive), after 2 or 3 years they are getting divorced.

Then, why making a big party? The most important thing is the God bless the marriage and that the bride and groom be happy.

Sorry about the ignorance but what is Shabka or Mahr???

Eman G (Maganeno again)

i know if i answered this u'll say am crazy.

Money has nothing to do with me coz i adapt with the circumstances quickly and i was engaged before to a guy his salary was about 500 L.E, so it is ok with me. bs ma7asalsh naseeb.

About the wedding dress and the wedding party I must have them as i'll not get married every month. By the way i have to design my dress myself and i prepared the design already.

The most important for me not shabka or mahr ana malish da3wa behom da kalam regala. The important thing for me is the wedding ring (el debla), it has to be unique coz i'll wear it alone after marriage ashan my fingers aslan short wi matesta7melsh 7agat keteer foo2 b3d :D

junkNdaTrunk

What's shabka?

You can still have a party! It doesn't have to be so elaborate!! Having a mahr is a woman's right! Having a walima is part of the marriage! Once you start to take these things away on a large scale society will really be going backwards. Do you want us to become communists?
Allah had a reason in His infinite wisdom in giving us mahr and walima!

EDIT: I would like to add that mahr does not have to be some huge sum of money. It should be noted however that money and gifts help to make the beginning of marriage easier. Some people don't realize how hard it is when starting out. Do you know what it's like for a woman to leave her father's house? What if the bonds of love haven't formed yet? It would be a pity to be in that situation and have no gifts too. Gifts build bonds, even the Prophet pbuh said something to that effect.

Egyptians marry for love? Egyptians have always told me, "Love comes AFTER marriage!"

• Koala • uʍop ɹǝpun

Sorry - I am a long way off from Egypt but saw your question.....

To me it's the LOVE that counts, not how much money they have or the whole big wedding bit. You love them for who they are, not their pay packet.

I perfer to get married on a tropical beach, something simple with a few close mates - that's what I am doing next year.

Moonrise

Wise Heart, first let me congratulate you on your choice of the new avatar. it catches the eye and matches this category.
now , your interesting question has worked so well in opening the hearts of the contributers that i can safely say it has exposed a lot.
for me , my family isnt concerned with what the bridegroom would pay but with what he is.
they study him well , and when they are satisfied that he would provide their girl with a secure home and a comfortable life , they give their consent.
my family is so conservative that there is no chance for love before the engagement or marriage. the girl is ready to have her 1st love experience with her lucky husband.
now, to the core of your question , Wise Heart.
i dont insist on the big expensive wedding dress.
any pretty dress or lady's suit would do , because im not fond of showing off or being seen in a specific costume. im simple. i have a western mind and an eastern heart .
about the engagement gift, shabka, i would accept a wedding ring and a ring with some stone in it . it doesnt have to be expensive, but it has to be pretty and chosen by me.
the part y doesnt have to be elaborate. parents, family and friends or neighbors would be invited at home . a glass of cold drink and chocolate would be enough . what matters is that the couple are surrounded by those who really care for them.
the mahr is a contribution towards furnishing the house. whatever is paid will go multiplied to the furnishing.
the house has to be appealing and comfortable.
it doesnt have to be big or expensive. but it must be furnished in good taste.
these are the basics . they would cost a lot .after the couple become successful in their careers, they can change or add whatever they like.
they must start their lives together without being under stress due to high expences that do not add to their togetherness.
simplicity is the standard .

anouna

The money doesn't mean more to me and i can marry without wedding party....... BUT i can't give up of the white dress.
as long as I love him, it's not important to buy Shabka or so but it means a lot to me to wear a ring written on it his name.

Balsam

If the future husband hasn't enough money but I am convinced that he is the right man, I accept to get married without the white dress( although in our family the bride not the groom buys the dress). The wedding party is not important to me at all. Shabka can be symbolic and mahr can be symbolic too. The mahr is more important to me since it will help to buy what is needed.
To tell you the truth I am surprised that many newly weds want everything to be perfect while non of them paid anything. The poor parents provide everything in an artificial way. They act as if they own millions. Why do they spend so much for a party that lasts hours and pay so much for loud music that everybody complains about. Artists lead all guests invited in a strange way as if they themselves have paid the expenses.
Moreover the new couple furnish their houses with ultra lux furniture much better than their parents. Why do not they think that it would be nice to grow together and advance together?
My answer is that in case my family and I are convinced of the groom and he has no money I can go without all the rituals that accompany marriage.

someone

i dont care about money bcz i believe that 2gether we can work and live a great peacfull life.what matters is love.bcz simply what make a girl so certain that he will not loose the money maybe after the marriage?so she will be so stupid to think that.so really love is all what matters to me.bcz we will always have problems so if we dont have an honest deep love the marriage will never last.nway all what matters for me that my husband is a person who is active and what i mean by that,that i want him a person to love working.i hate lazy guys who after years will count maybe on me only to work and make money.and personnaly i never picture myself in a white dress in a big wedding party,i love simple thing so a nice little party wont be bad.and i dont realy know about chabka and maher but both make me safe in bad times.i dont care about money at all but i care about my safety.but u know what they say that the wedding party give more respect to the wife but i know me and i know that people respect me without it so i can accept not having a party but chabka and maher are subject i cant loose.chabka for me isnt at all something to make me feel beautifull but its something i can use in bad days like selling them.

MetroGirl

This is an interesting question. In the United States, the bride and her family tend to pay for the wedding. Personally, I would be fine with the small wedding with just the closest friends and family - it's about the love and commitment the couple shares ... not the money the parents lay out. My parents have a wedding fund set aside for me, so my wedding will be much larger than I want and I will wear the big white dress.

I think the larger question, especially after my latest experience with thinking about marriage (with a guy who is Egyptian), is the male being able to support the female throughout the marriage. My Egyptian friend said he was not ready for marriage (neither am I). One of his sincere reasons was money. He said that if he was ready for the commitment it would be with me, but he is not ready and does not have the money. He does not have enough personal money to support a bride- especially in the US. If he was back in Egypt, it would be tight, but he could swing it. His parents could provide the apartment and he had a good paying job. It is harder in the US. We are both in school and earn some money from the university, but in reality, we rely a lot on parental support. I will be done before he is and when we finish, we will be able to support ourselves. However, for him, being able to support a bride on his own is very important; its part of him being able to identify himself as a man. I told him I do not care about money and young couples make sacrifices. For him, he needs to be able to support his family. He is perfectly fine with his wife being educated, having an amazing career, and earning a substantial salary, but he need to be able to provide the basics. I did not understand at first. When considering him and his needs, I would say money is important.

As for the Shabka or Mahr ... I did not grow up with these customs and it would never occur for my family to ask for a Shabka. However, I am an American girl and grew up with the fantasy of an engagement ring. Yes, it would be nice to have that "perfect" diamond engagement ring, but if it is the right guy, I would say yes to a twist tie.

I would probably prefer the Mahr. This is for a few reasons. If I were to marry an Egyptian (which probably would only be my friend - sorry, but he's special), the Mahr would be an incredibly thoughtful gift and it would have great sentimental value. It would also be a small way that I would acknowledge a part of his religion (we did agree that I would not convert and he would never ask me to). As far as a protection for being widowed or divorce, I would not be concerned. We would have a prenuptial agreement that would protect our respective assets in the case of divorce. In the case of being widowed, life insurance policies should cover immediate expenses. Either way, losing a husband would be traumatic and money or material items would not replace him.

사랑

Well, honestly, I ALWAYS pictured myself getting married in a beautiful long white dress and having the huge wedding party.
I'm engaged and going to get married in June next summer,and it doesn't look like I'm going to get the wedding I always wanted.
It does bother me, i'm not going to lie, but it's alright, because in the future we'll have enough money saved up to have a REAL wedding with decorations and all.
My future husband is actually Egyptian, I'm not, and he feels the same way I do about the wedding. His brother got married a few months ago and had a blow-out wedding!
But the money that my husband and I would spend on the wedding(cake, DJ, club rental, etc.) all of that money is going towards "something else".
We may not have a blow-out wedding, but we're going to have an awesome "honeymoon!"

ahmad

lol,all that women have a hope that they will marry? forget it ,no money for marry ,you will be 3anes noha stop saying nyahaaa,say 3aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Miss.UnKnowN

the white dress and the party are not soo important..if he dont have money ..i dont care ..the important is to love eachother..to respect ..to can understant echother..to can count one of eachother

Jasmine808

Why not save for a small wedding? Most girls dream of their wedding when growing up and as young women -- wearing a beautiful white dress is a part of that fantasy. It doesn't have to be the most expensive gown or party thrown. The wedding can be small but beautiful and elegant.

donia f

A big mistake!!!My friend is In a big trouble & in her way to seperate from her husband!!!((not divorce)), after less than a year!!men r no longer men!!this generation is really so superfcial!!men & women!!specially Egyptians!!they r going backward & backward!!the past generation was more open minded!!I wonder what is happening!!!!?

Egyptians guys r so poor specially when they r not used to depend on them selves!!when a guy see an Egyptian pretty young lady & think of marring her!!he must deal with all the stuff you mentioned shabka ,mahr,a flat or even a studio!!lol!!if his parents r not rich from where will he get all this!!

so he will search a foreigner!!a girl who only need to settle & have a family but unfortunetly their life styles r completly different!!the rest you know it!!!& finely after a short marriage they divorce!!the result is the same!!what can they do???watch the rotana cinema & nancy agram clips & keep silent!!lol!!wake up Egyptians!!

No TiMe FoR LoVe

sorry, now the girls want tomarriag only without thinking in the meaning of mirriage, they look forword to be adifrant character only

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