Homesickness, anything I can do?

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cakes

I can identify so well with your experiences. What saved my skin, was all my cyber friends here on YA/SA who gave me that feeling of being human.

I found that what helped me the most was having dogs. I have been forced to go out to take the dogs for a walk, have been forced to speak to other people, even if it is just about their dogs. It was so peaceful when I could go somewhere where there was a bit of nature, a secluded place where I could imagine I heard the sea, or any noises that were familiar to me from SA.

But, having contact with other SAÂ´s and their way of thinking, their way of talking, their sense of humour (best in the world) was my best medicine. I used to dream of going back, and when I did go there on a holiday 2 years ago, although I did enjoy it, I was immensely grateful to be back in my safe corner. I found that I had gained advantages here in Germany, like walking around without having to watch my back, ride my bicycle without it being highjacked, or my rollerblades for that matter.

So, I suggest you start thinking of all the positive things that you have where you live now. NOT the unpleasant things. Be grateful for being safe, for having food and electricity every day, for a warm comfy bed. Wake up in the morning and be grateful that you had a restful night without a burglary. Your life is what you are going to make of it. Get up every morning and smile at yourself in the mirror. Even when you are least feeling like smiling. Just making your mouth "smile" sets off happy hormones and will make you feel better.

If you do not have your own dog, offer to take someone elseÂ´s dog for a walk daily. The important thing is that you have to go out every day, rain or sunshine, and the earlier in the morning the better. Exposure to natural light (and of course sunshine) makes us humans feel happier.

You may be reaching the end of your misery. As Cat has mentioned, and that is what I have also experienced, that around 5 years after leaving is when I started feeling better, when I "came to terms" with what I had here, and stopped comparing things. I think that was very bad, always thinking "in SA this is much better, that was NEVER done etc". Things will never be the same again. Most of what we miss are the MEMORIES of our lives in Africa.

As Dicko says, one NEVER stops missing Africa. But, we have to keep on living, and why make it so miserable for ourselves? If you are a writing person, put your thoughts down on paper. And, write down what was good about your day, every day. Focus on the positive things, and you will find that you will start thinking more positively.

*Edit* I have just found some tips that should help manipulate oneÂ´s mood:
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/05/20/chemical-free-strategies-to-trick-yourself-out-of-the-blues.aspx?source=nl

bean

Sorry. I dont know what you are going through.

But to give you a little Bible lesson (it is Sunday) When LOT and his family were leaving Sodom and Gamorrah (excuse spelling) God told them NOT TO LOOK BACK. Lots wife couldnt help herself and looked back. She turned into a pillar of salt.

This story is true in every part of our lives, try looking forward and please know that there are thousands of us who would like to be in your shoes. What you are longing for does not exsist in the same way anymore - its different now.

Its like your first boyfriend ever, who you are still in love with, but now he is married. What you want is not available anymore.

Dry your salty eyes and look for the beauty in your new home.

Cat

One little thing that I found helped was that when I moved I stopped doing my hobbies and things I liked. Once I started again or started a new hobby things got a lot better.

After 10 years I still sometimes get homesick, but lately that feeling passes very quickly. After 5 years I also wanted to go back home and now I am so glad that I didn't.

You definitely need a hobby or do a new sport. Try yoga if you are not very sporty. Join a club or do some volunteer work. Get out as much as possible during the weekends. It makes a huge difference.

When last did you go back? Do any of your family or friends come and visit you? Maybe you should go back for a holiday and then that might just do the trick. You remember how SA was 5 years ago not how it is today. Things change very quickly. You might feel very differently after going back. You might realise that hey, life is good for me and I will never have this in SA.

Moving to another country is very difficult. It is not easy and some people just take longer to adapt.

** add** Try to find something beautiful that the UK has that SA doesn't. We live out in the platterland and what is so beautiful for me is watching the wind blow through the rice paddies. You can not describe it. It is so beautiful and I know that I will never see that in SA. Everyday try to find something that is either beautiful or positive about the UK.

Hennie

I concur with Cat. But also understand the yearning you feel. I've been away from SA for 6 years and though I miss the natural beauty and my folks, there is no future for that country the way it is now.
Also, you say you are in the UK? Try the Far East for a dose of homesickness! Not to mention culture shock!

Alf Garnett

Rather suffer from homesickness than live in fear for your life,your Family's life and your children's lives. The ethnic cleansing has started under the euphemism of "xenophobia" and it will not be too long before they turn on the White people whom they regard as "foreigners" under the continuous tirades against them by the ANC.

annaleyah1@yahoo.co.uk

i think perhaps if you have been here 5 years its not going to go away. from my own experience living abroad there really are 5 stages of readjustment;
1 - ooh this is all shiny and new
2 - hmm its not quite like home
3 - everythings done wrong and i hate it
4 - well ok its not so bad
5 - im home
if you never got past stage 3 then i would say its not for you. if its 4 your on then i would say way up the alternatives;
are the things you miss really as good as you are remembering them or are you idealising because your not happy? are the reasons you came here still valid or are they no longer important to you? is there somewhere else, not here or home that might suit you better?
when i lived in the US I went from 1-3 in about a week, then took another few weeks to hit 4 and several months to hit 5. i know its not that quick for everyone but i think after 5 years if you were going to hit stage 5 you would have. i know plenty of people who stick with 4 contentedly though because there options way better to stay.
there were plently of things i never liked about the US but there are equally a number of things i would have kept inplace of the british alternatives when i came back.

i dont mean to sound rude, and i know you said you have tried to fit in so this may not be relevant, but do you socialise mostly with brits or imigrants? from personal experience and from the experiences of friends who were either expats with me in the US or imigrants to the UK, it definately makes adjusting easier if you mix in fully, i.e having local friends as well as other non locals. when i first got to the states i had a tendancy, like many people do, to associate more with expats as i felt i had more in common with them and there was alot of talking about home, but then as i got more american friends that went away and i didnt think of home so much. its just a thought and as i said may not be relevant, but if you do have mostly african imigrant friends then that could be a reason you are finding it hard to not think so much about home.

other things you may have already done; but pehaps try a different city/town. look for something you can love about this country, like a favourite place. think of the things you do like about it not nthe things you dont.

i am really sorry you are finding it hard to live here and i hope you find a way to resolve your situation, even if that means moving on or home. i dont blame you for not liking it here either, if it wasnt for my famlily (especially now my parents are elderly) i could easily be persuaded to hop on a plane back to Boston tomorrow. anyway

good luck honey

Dicko

And I've lived in France for twenty years, and I still haven't got used to it. I'd get worried if I had done... In the end, you just sit there on the train, or in the restaurant or the pub, and from time to time, you get a "This is not my tribe" moment, where it feels as though you have nothing, nothing at all, in common with these people, to the extent that you wouldn't even know what to say to them.

You end up getting used to not being one of them.

I'm not surprised you're feeling out - a lot of bits of the UK are bad news, full of ignorant chavs whose only interests are Big Bruvver, booze and football. And that's as often as not the women...

There are a few decent places to live - Devon and Dorset come to mind - but whether you'll get the chance to move there is another thing. But give it a bit before thinking about going back to Zim, honestly - who says Tsvangirai will be that much better than Bob?

A lot of Rhodies went to Australia. They seem to have made the better choice - the country and the lifestyle are probably easier to adjust to than grey, wet, morose, miserable England.

sins

You'll always have Africa as part of you! It is who you are. But you either have to go back, or decide to make the most of where you are at the moment.

Personally I made up my mind that the UK is now my home, and I am nestling. Even if you feel a bit like the outsider, there is nothing stopping you from making good friends, and enjoying yourself. I think it is a big part 'mind over matter'. Africa is not for sissies, but neither is moving to a strange country! You'll be ok, just set your head around the fact that you have a new home now. Good luck.

zolkabir

Well, I am from Liberia, and have wanted to go back since the second I left many years ago. I still haven't gone.

I live in the US, not England, but basically the best thing I have found is to appreciate the beautiful things that this country has to offer. I have visited 42 of the 50 states and seen some amazing things.

I also try to get involved in the community in a way that I feel useful.

I also have been able to cope by priding myself in being someone without a home, someone that doesn't need anything, and can easily live without family. I love them and sometimes wish I were somewhere else, and even though I know that is actually kind of unhealthy, at least it works. I don't really miss things that much anymore.

cents

Why dont you travel a bit more, like a weekend to Europe somewhere. It might open your eyes a bit more to where you are & the opportunities that are out there.

Sydney Harbour

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPptl8R5LiQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK2B5-iLQdg&feature=related

Enjoy, laugh & don't shed another tear!

boogaboogabooga

I've lived in 4 countries so far and what I've learnt is you have to give anywhere at least a year to know if it's right for you or not. So if you're still new I'd say give it time. I'm totally sure there are African community groups near you that you could contact to enjoy your culture while in the UK. the UK is a Very diverse place - 4 countries for a start and then so many differences in each of them - perhaps you can move about to find some place you fit in better. Failing that, I'd start volunteering somewhere because it'll get you away from your computer moping about and feeling down, give you a sense of worth in your community and for sure you will be appreciated as so many charities are crying out for help. You could also look into churches and vist their services to help you get to know people who are really very open and accepting. If you don't want to return to your country because of some problems there then I would say contact Amnesty and some of their refugee action groups throughout the UK - I helped with them for a while and they work with all sorts of international people - you could end up helping someone from your own country. Even if not, at least you could comfort another foriegner in the UK who is lonely and feeling cut off from their own. Best wishes.

Jackie

So, so, so sorry you're homesick! Try joining a club, taking a class, or volunteering. It will get better.

Any way you can move back to Africa?

Good luck! :-)

Fro

i used 2 feel the same way , i live in australia, but now i would never go back to SA
I look at it this way, What is there 2 miss? its turned into a shithole, another place.
Even when i go there on holidays (4 times a year) it makes me sad 2 see the downward spiral the country is on , like i said another place 2 what i remember

markysparky

Go back for a holiday. Take a good look at the hellhole it has become,then return. Schalk Burgers' sister was abducted,tortured,cut with knives and gang raped last weekend.She was lucky to have escaped. Get out of your home and get up to the north country and enjoy a weekend break. The Brits are unrefined and rude but there are those that are normal. Find them by socialising more and don't try to fit in. You have as much right here as they do so to hell with them. I am British but lived in SA for 30 years and I am discriminated against. Enjoy the best of what UK has to offer. If they bring up apartheid ,remind them about what they did to the Boers in the Anglo Boer war. I enjoy long walks in the country and the wildlife. Its different but also beautiful.

Pammie

Go back home.

You don't belong where you are. You'll never be accepted.

Emjay IV

Ja, I know exactly what you mean, Try not to focus too much on the past, it doesn't help.

My h-------art verlang na die Bo----land........

Africa is in your blood, I know of no people who have been born, lived or stayed in Africa for a while who have not been "haunted" by it. I miss the sunrises, the plant life, the thunderstorms and the sounds of frogs and crickets in the bushes in the evening. Aikona, now I am getting fed up....

Well this sounds like me! I know exactly how you feel. I lived in England for seven years & was like this every single day! It doesn't go away . Well at least for me anyway. After the fourth year living in London I had enough of my area and how unsafe it was (just like SA) so we moved to Oxford and it was much better. Found it more peaceful & homely. Still not close enough to home. Nothing could "replace" South Africa and never will. Unfortunately that's not an option for everyone.

Three years ago my now hubby & I made the decision to move back home. He was the one missing home like crazy & all his family are in SA, he has non in England. My mom & dad stayed in England but for their age I prefer it that way. I see them once a year when I travel back or when they come to visit & it's lovely for a holiday but not for good.

People are right in saying your probably missing what SA used to be not what it is now. I'd suggest coming for holidays once in a while so you don't feel as if you'll never see Africa again because people often want what they can't have. I have heard of many people who have moved from SA and come straight back! I am happy & healthy, have a good job & an amazing husband who takes great care of me. I am not alone here and for anyone wanting to go home I'd say go but make sure you really think about it & make sure you always have a plan B. Like me because I lived in England for seven years I was liable for a British passport which I now have. So if SA ever gets to the stage where we just can't live here myself & my hubby can go back to England no problem. Even many other places.

Take the advice from the others about doing more hobbies and keeping yourself busy. It's important to keep your mind stimulated! In my opinion if you have a plan B & the money come back and see what it's like again. I did and have never looked back, I'm the happiest I have ever been! I now know my place in the World and that's in SA - everyone is different!

jockchick

why you move in first place? cant you go back? try keeping busy

Flame

Get a bf, and don't discuss politics with him. You can discuss politics here on the internet to your heart's content.

No politics with the bf! Really!

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