What would you do if you find out your husband has taken a second wife in secret?

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Nomad

I read Mintee's answer and I felt her's was most practical with the situation a lot of you ladies face being Saudi citizens or married to Saudis. it's sad and I feel for you.
In my case, I would walk our on my husband and sue him for half his assets bcos a wife in the Uk is entitled to that and also I would go for a fair alimony. I would go bach home to Delhi and live in the lovely apartment that my husband would have had to hand over to me, become a freelance writer (I know half the editors in Delhi and the other half are related to me), put the kids in British School which I would pay for from the alimony, kick my heels up and life a comfy life knowing I shall have to please no man in life anymore!
On the other hand I know my husband and i also know he in incapable of being happy with anyone else (he and I were involved for thriteen years on and off before we got married) and I can just see he will want to get back in our lives, but will I allow him - little persian baby doll - what do you think>?NAAAHH!!!

Dear H, this question very neatly ties in to your one about women's rights.

bikerphilosopy

Crazy glue his manlyness to the side of his leg. (If I was a woman, that's what I'd do)

Won't happen, I hold the Family Book:))

I for sure I will not use any karate techniques because I am not familiar with them. But - in case of, I for sure know how to hurt him financially. And believe you me, this will hurt him much longer and better than any kick/karate techniques.

He built the bed, he has to sleep in it.

Mintee

Im wondering if some of the answerers are answering from a western point of view or an Islamic one..
anyways.. Im a saudi's wife a muslim women..
for one.. I would know if my husband was married.. He is a very predictable person.. has been the whole time we've known each other.. So for him to go out of the norm after so many years.. Id certainly know something is up..
I also know that in Islam to take on another wife, you have to be equal and fair between both wives..
Could my husband afford to spend the exact amount on both of us and hold two complete separate households together? NO.. we barely make it on our own now as it is..
Unless he marries a millionairess and thats unlikely.. What wealthy women here in SaudiArabia would lower her standards to marry beneath her? I know what women are like here.. Rich women want even richer husbands.. (sad but true).. the women here are spoiled..
Anyways.. you want to know what I would do if perhaps it did happen to me? I have no idea.. I think id do this or that, but you never know till it happens.. I might do like she says above.. suck it up and stay here.. Im both an american citizen and saudi citizen, but I know I couldnt take my children and leave.. My parents are still here (my mother is American citizen and my father is saudi citizen).. I can go live with them I assume.. Or go live with my brother. But I certainly dont want that 2nd wife to live in my home that me and my husband built.. I would rather burn it down than allow some other women to live in it.
So if you guys hear of a major fire in the eastern province, you'll know its me.. hahahahaha!

tina

God forbid if that happens, i'll get seperated with him & let him live happily with the one he loves. i love him so.............. madly that i'll never b selfish. infact i tell him many times that if he's not even 1% happy with me, he can leave me. coz'i want him to b happy alwayz.My life will get ruined w/o him. Allah i never wanna c that day.

Anita P

Get angry, cry a lot, insult him, stop talking with him, refusing to sleep with him... all these things which do make the situation even worse...
But in the very end I would have to accept it and learn to live with it, because unfortunately there would not be any other thing I could do.
I guess I would not love a man like that the same way as before, but would he notice it even?
Marring a second or even third wife is for millionaires, because how could a normal man with an average income support 2 or 3 families?
And he would have to divide all his attention and financial support between more than one family - which is a ruin nowadays.
I mean as far as I know Saudi Arabia, it is not like some Middle Eastern countries where people are used to live in quiet poor standards.
I would not be in that situation either, because I don´t live there, but I can imagine if it would be that case I would adapt in the end, although I would never feel sure about my husband, neither would I feel the same loyalty in the future, neither appreciate him in the way I did before...

Carl P

Perhaps both of you could wear him out in a way only you would be able too. Then when he dies a death of a hero, you inherit all his spoils to split as seem fitting.

Saudi Dude Is Freakin' Sweet

VETO :D

Edit : a wife should be wiser and clear with husband Coz havin' another wife doesnt mean he hates her .. I know many ppl who have more than a wife .. one of them is STILL crazy at his 1st wife "I know him :)" though she's in her 50s .. sometimes havin' another wife has another meanin' >>>

Don't force ur HUSBAND to act secretly ;)

2nd Edit :
This Q. made some thumbs down .. unlike the usuall :D Some "issues" R very irritatin' :)

dino003

Well if I found my wife with another guy or sex partner I would offer her a chance to go to marriage counseling and demand she be faithful to me her husband. If that is not on the menu then unless one is a SWINGER or capable of sharing his wife <or husband> with another then divorce is mandatory. That's how DINO feels about it as I believe in one wife but I admit its really not that simple but necessary sometimes. chow amigo. your dino

Shamroozi

My answer is, why did he do it secretly? because he did not want to hurt your feelings while in the same time he needs it and it's Halal, I mean why women are givnig men such a hard type in this issue? the guy doesn't want to have an affair with a stranger, no, he wants to do it the right way.
Finely, in my opinion every man who wants to get married to another woman should come straightforwardd.

Hamad is T.C. in fooling

If I were a girl
I think I could understand
why would my husband go and
marry some other girl

Я.A.M.I

@Mintee LOOOL

I hope your husband does not read the above LOL. what u said is true, but men don't like to hear it. ;)

private_no_name

as salaam wa alaikum all.
i think its really sad and unfortunate that so many answers are threats of violence and divorce. Fear Allah. You would burn your house ( destroy the house that Allah blessed you with) because your husband did something halal?! if you dont want polygyny, fine....divorce on good terms, but why all the unnecesary violence? You only end up hurting yourself. a haram act (i.e. murder -killing your husband) is not the right reaction to a halal act (marriage). it sounds like so many of you would rather have your brother in islam commit adultery and end in hellfire, than marry someone with Allah's permission.
We are muslim, right?!

Alhamdulilah

I would be very hurt and upset and feel betrayed. I would hope for support from my husband's family. The problem is, I cannot leave Saudi Arabia alone with my kids, so I have to stay here, even if we got divorced. So, if that ever happened to me, I might stay married, but emotionally detached, until my kids are grown up. It would be a devastating circumstance for me.
If I were in a situation where I could take my kids with me, then I would probably take them and divorce my husband.

@ private no name - It's not about whether he did something halal or not. It's the fact that you cannot trust him again if he were to marry someone behind your back. How can anyone trust a man that would destroy their family in that way? Yes, it would destroy the family in so many ways. He should think about his wife and children before making such a move. They should be a part of the decision if he wants to take a second wife. He should try to make it work for everyone involved. Maybe you're the second wife so you cannot understand what you'd lose if your husband went behind your back to marry another woman.
My husband's grandfather married a second wife and now his grandfather has nothing to do with his first wife and their kids together. He basically has left the family. It's an extremely sad situation. He had 8 kids from his first wife! Now he doesn't speak to them or his many many grandchildren. So, polygamy can destroy families if it's not done openly and everyone accepts it.

honey26

hmmm

well i would be upset obviously that he did not discuss with me before taking on a second wife, and also that he did not trust me that i might agree to him to have a 2nd wife. I mean i want him to be happy. Also i would feel quite pathetic that my husband has gone behind my back fooling around with another wife, I mean that would make me look like i am not pleasing my husband enough or that he is bored with me so decided to marry somebody else without telling me. If he was a decent guy he would at least discuss it with me.
So I would sit him down and discuss the situation, i would ask him why he didnt he consult with me before marrying and why he felt the need to have another wife? If he doesnt give me a decent answer or is indifferent to my feelings then i might possibly consider divorce. I mean what kind of decent Muslim man would go behind his wifes back like that, Its just not right.

Insha Allah i will make sure I do not marry a man like that, i will marry one who considers my feelings as well as his own before makiing any drastic decisions.

الإخوان المسلمون

relax, it is not a sin to take on a second wife

nono

Hmmm, soooo dead!

Niceguy

Ouch. Wife will get hurt. I am not married but i can imagine. :)

will feel hurt betrayed cheated on..wnt trust him again...whats a marriage without trust..so there will b no happiness..so ill divorce him...dnt have time for that sort of crap...however if he tells me before marrying...well i dunno...i mite let him... i mite not...but secretly neverrrrrrrr

sagacious_ness

Talk to and try to befriend her... it would be nice to talk to someone during his funeral.

Guress

Not trying to sound rude or be negative at all but since when did the Saudi Arabia section turn into a chat room? I'm getting the point that you probably want to build some Y! points but come on... can you leave some room for people with real questions about Saudi Arabia to ask.

samy n

she must blame her self,,,,,this husband sure found many things on the new wife,,that hemiss on the first,,,,,,any wifecan keep her man by contiouslove and gd care,,,,,,most wfes give most love and cre to her kids

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