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1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested)
2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"
3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing.
4. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your seat and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!"
5. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that you are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!"
6. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as you scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL NOW! DEATH I TELLS YA!!!!" when you land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight.
7. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault.
8. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to join the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes.
9. Get the pilot to show you round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH VODKA BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!".
10. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects.
11. Enthrall your companions on the plane by telling them that you knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot.
12. Give a fact filled guide of the area you are flying over, this can include " And if you look to your right you will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as you can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.'
13. Streak.
14. Occasionally scream........loudly.
15. Get up and announce that you are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!" Sit down like nothing has happened.
16. From the second you take off, every ten seconds say in the same voice "are we there yet?"
17. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN YOU SMELL BURNING?"
18. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE....A PILOT?"
19. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that you used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built.
20. As you get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!?!?!?"
21. If you're flying first class, make sure to sit behind someone. When that person is sleeping, grap your motion sickness bag and vomit in it. After you do that, hold the bag in the air and then pop it on the person. See what happens...... |
Michelle
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Depending on your resources;
Stock up your MP3 player with some new music, see if you can make a play list of songs (even ones you haven't listened to lately) that will last the length of your flight.
if you have a laptop (charge it up!) and watch a movie you never get tired of, or rent one you've been wanting to see.
if you're a reader get a new book or one you haven't read in a while. Even a magazine.
puzzles! find a book of a variety of puzzles, I get the people magazine puzzle book cause it's easy enough to do, and my boyfriend and I try to race and get them done.
Hopefully the airline has a good in-flight magazine, read some of the articles, they usually have puzzles, or something to do.
talk to the person next to you. I find that I can start a conversation just by complimenting something or asking about where they're headed to after you land. Sometimes people have some really interesting stories. I once had a sweet lady give me relationship advice because her daughter was going through the same thing I was.
Generally I find that giving myself something new FOR the plane works, like getting a kid a toy that they can only play with on the plane. Sometimes just getting a new issue of a magazine I like, or a grabbing a book I haven't read in a while, downloading a couple new songs and putting them into a play list for the flight, even picking up something at the airport to give me something to do.
I've also become one of Pavlov's dogs, and I fall asleep the instant we're off the ground. |
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