With the recent unfortunate events at Heathrow's Terminal Five still ongoing?

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The Tenth Duke of Chalfont

I'm very sorry to have to point this out Rotter, but I beat you to it.

Chalfont Airlines has been flying since Saturday morning, using my dirigible for short haul flights, most ending in the nearest field in a ball of flames.

It's a tad expensive having to keep replace the airship, as Shork is perhaps better at gardening than piloting the thing, but business is brisk and proving the old adage that a fool and his money and life are soon parted.

Sir Marmalade Beauville-Lobe IV

It's a good idea, but you must set clear boundaries about who you allow to fly.
Time was of course that the only people who could afford to travel by air were wonderful, well dressed ladies and gentleman, striding about with elegance and debonair charm. Nowadays, any slop-face, half-witted commoner can purchase a ticket and drag his equally digusting family of fatties and morons with him.

Lady Felicity Pamper McFud

My dear man! Have you thought this through? You'd have to fly to destinations like Majorca and Marbella. The outward trip would be bad enough what with passengers such as have been so eloquently described by Marmelade. But think of the return leg, what! You'd have the additional weight of sombreros, straw donkeys and duty free beer and Malibu. The air would reek of fried eggs and bacon that these chaps flew all the way out to Spain to consume. Added to which, the 'glow' from their grilled dermi would radiate through the cabin. On arrival, your cargo of common riff raff may be mistaken for lobster by customs, and even if you pay the duty, old chap, we don't want to find that in our bisque. Tally ho.

Sir Terrance DeCat.

Absolutely not.

With the average weight of a peasant on a poor diet, your flying machine would be seriously compromised, and you risk it smelling as well.

Far better to leave the plebites festering in their own filth at the shed that is Terminal Five, at least whilst they are there, they are not stealing your family silver.

brainyandy

I couldn't agree with Sir Marmalade more. I travel frequently with British Airways, (First Class, of course) and only last year received a prize for the second most travelled person on their flights from Heathrow.

Unfortunately, first prize went to my luggage!

Lord Charles

My dear old fruit, youâ€™re on the right lines although possibly heading in the wrong direction. You see I have just announced the inaugural flight of EasyBomb â€“ a great way for all the family to relive the pleasures of a bygone age, to experience the very best of British spunk and to remind Johnny Foreigner whoâ€™s boss.

EasyBomb flights depart daily from Biggin Hill, Croydon and Aldermaston loaded with high explosives, dysfunctional families and gin soaked pensioners. After 1.5 hours of flying time, we arrive over our destination - typically any European country that has had the temerity to thrash our national football squad (so quite a wide choice). The in-flight entertainment then begins as we unload our cargo of destruction.

As we never actually land in a foreign destination, there are no airport taxes, no passports are required and the only foreigners we encounter are the ones running for cover. It would be fair to say that there has been an explosive take off in bookings for EasyBomb tours!

I donâ€™t suppose we could tempt you on-board as one of our pilots but there would be ample opportunities to show naÃ¯ve young hostesses how to get the maximum rise out of a joystick and plenty of â€˜will-bashingâ€™ opportunities amongst the more well-heeled coffin dodgers in first class. I look forward to hearing from you.

vegasqueen1970

We are due to fly with BA in May from Heathrow - if the problems aren't sorted out by then, I may be in touch.

Please can you give me a quote for transportation of two adults and two suitcases travelling to Calgary? I appreciate that short haul flights are more your forte but I need to join my tour group prior to starting my cruise. Also, do you accept luncheon vouchers as payment?

Brian Blue

I will never use Heathrow again, prefer civilised airports like Amsterdam for connections. Why do BA always force people to connect via London anyhow, get more flights from Manchester, Newcastle etc direct to overseas destinations if they want to keep business not build more and more capacity at Heathrow. As a business person i have objected for years about being dragged down to Heathrow until i got some sense and found better alternatives. BA have lost the plot a long time ago, pre tail painting!!!!

greybeard

Hi Old Fruit! the answer to your question is, why not! how many paying passengers can you get on your contraption? if more than three, you will clean up due to the BA debacle.
I have an old WW2 runway on the estate, why not do day trips up to the Towers, we will think of ways of parting them from their money, when they arrive, 50/50 OK with you!
So, it's Wilco and Bandits at Angles 25, Tallyho!

Lord Faversham-Shaftsworthy

i say old chap if you do open the wing as a terminal just think of the taxes ?
my man Bagthorpe (87) works for a pittance and could be set to lugging ones luggage to and fro for a mere three shilling a week (national minimum wage as i tell him ) last week one had him think one was off on the jollys so had him with 12 cases aloft his back, mind you one did fill them with lead from the church roof ? what a laugh
which reminds me one must sell it back to the rector on Friday.
any way open it up sir and tax the beggars blind just like BA.

Oops, I did it again...........

Wow, I feel stupid.......

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