A question about jealousy?

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puno ng akasya

Ahh, I've seen this scenario within our family, my father as the foreigner and my mother as the friend, while the family is the siblings of my mother. the difference is: my father is not rich, he is middle class.

No I don't think it is right, I've seen those ungrateful jerks try to take opportunity of my mother thinking she became rich, sometimes, even using their own child as an excuse.

Joe

This a very common problem all of us Americans face when we are married to a Filipina. It causes some breakup and bitter feelings about Filipinos in general. If the wife will not back her husband in his decision and capabilities to be generous, it will lead to a bad marriage. Those bloodsuckers/leaches/relathieves need to leave them alone about money. Its not easy to make a living for most of us. Our generosity and empathy over the past 50-60 years has made Filipinos think we all have plenty of money to just toss around. We do not. I support my wifes mother and her dogs and give to some other friends as we can afford to. Thats all I'm going to do. I worked for what little I have and I'm not going to put myself and my wife in the poor house just so all the family can have a good time back there in PI. My wife knows that if she ever tries to put the squeeze on me for money to send back there, she'll be on the next flight back. You might call that our "prenuptual agreement". I've tried setting up people in various businesses back there so they can become self sufficient and I have regretted it every time. They only want me to GIVE them something. Sorry, we're done with that. Because of that, my wife has washed her hands of those relathieves. Now whenever we go back there for a visit, hardly anyone asks me for a loan or brings some crisis to my door. They are vultures and I see THEIR true colors. I am generous to those few who don't ask constantly for something but instead treat me like a normal person and not a cash cow. Americans need to stop giving relatives anything and this crap will fix itself.

|\|\r. YusO

It is fine to help your family in times of needs. But there will always be limitations to it. You cannot just always depend on someone especially is he/she has a family of his/her own.

And the sad plight is, whenever you say "NO" to anyone's request or favor you get misunderstood. And they gonna take it against you. Apparently, its been like part of the Filipino tradition (if i may call it) that when a foreigner marries a Filipina it tags along the whole family, if I may say the whole "baranggay".And so, when a family member ask for help financially, once or twice, is fine but if you start to feel that you are treated like an ATM machine already, then you should start and learn to say "NO". (Even ATM machine runs out of money and refuses to dispense cash).You just can't be there for them all the time.

Amy :)

No I don't think it's right for anyone to demand money off of anyone, no matter how 'rich' or wealthy the person may be.
People should make their own way in life and shouldn't be dependent on other people, unless they have a really REALLY good reason. I really dislike people who constantly complain about having several children and having no money, when the money they have goes towards alcohol and cigarettes.
I think that the family in question should back off and know that no means no, I mean, what are they going to do if he's not as wealthy in 2-3 months?

H~mÃªÂ®

Your friend's family have no right whatsoever. It's about time to let them know that money does not grow on trees.

super *** pogi

It is never right be dependent on relatives, esp. in-laws, for money.

hettitiern

I had the same problem with my wifes relatives as soon as we go to her home island, which is very poor, it costs me more to live there for three days than staying in the Marriott for three days. However I understand that I have to support her sister (who is a minor) and her mother (who is mentally ill) because I have taken her away from them. Who else would support them? (the father died many years ago)

Big P

Oh my God, I thought I was the only one who experienced the dirty,lying, cheating, selfishness and laziness.
Thank God that he guided me to the right woman (filipina).

monique d

No, they don't have the right to get angry.
They should be thankful cause the girl is helping them even though they're not a part of the obligations of the girl.

Jacoba

Of course not. They're already being abusive and they should learn to stand on their own foot. To all my fellow Filipinos, sorry for saying this but frankly the close familial ties is one of the things I HATE on the Filipino culture. It can lead to nepotism & worse in becoming a "parasite" to one of its members. Good thing we were raised up as more on individualism standards.

No wonder why many foreigners look down on Filipinos.

Ailen

Your friend is not alone, I'm done with that experienced. I think jealousy is part of the culture in the Philippines, we call it crab mentality, the attitude that no one like to be ahead or better than anyone.

you

the family shouldnt really get angry- i mean by treating the husband like an atm machine they are like treating her like an atm machine wich isnt right since they are family yet i can empathize with the family since they are poor they probably do need help i mean depending on how much they are asking for continuously i dont think they should be ignored or rejected (unless they are being very selfish)

kmsca5

Joe has it right. However, other than jealousy another topic to bring up is being bipolar as well. One day your cool with them and then the next day they hate you. I don't even know what I did. What is with that? Another point about the jealousy part is say you get a new job and your going to be making more money than them. Rather than being happy for you their pissed off! Why? Same goes if you get anything new for that matter.

Joseph

Reason 278: Why not to marry a stupid ugly dog face filipino

samovic

I totally agree with Joe

Aref H4

No one has the right to demand for charity.

In the same manner that no one has the right to kick anyone already down in the ground, and spit on his face.

Such nobility I've been reading on this page. Everyone a hero who got tired of the role. And has nothing good to say about relatives by affinity.

As though the Western way of life has completely overshadowed the familial ties that was so strong back then. It's every man for himself, then with you?

I hear from a certain TV line that "it takes a village to raise a child". May be, you'd all like to add "And when the child grows up, and gets lucky, he or she can grind the faces of those who raised him/her up and wipe the memory of that village."

~crazy 4 my babygirls~

That's so sad to take so much and expect more to come from him,
It's sad that her family got so used to him helping so much,now the sad part is that they don't know how to do it on their own.money only brings you happiness for so long then you stat to get tired with the show and show who you really are!

I.know.right?

I think it's 50/50.

It's bad cause you can't always depend on the husband to help you out ALL the time 24/7!! Maybe your friend can get a job so that her husband won't think that she is just using him for money.

It's good because when you marry the spouse(husband or wife) knows where your coming from. And by helping you help your family shows he cares and loves about you. But he can only help to an extent you know?

ADDED: I think the only reason why the family gets mad cause they get used to being helped on and the already EXPECT the money coming.. They shouldn't get mad. But thats the case majority of the time.

BusyOldBag

No, they should be thankful. He should still help out, if he is able.

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