A question for anyone married or in a relationship with a filipina...?

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I have been married to a Filipina for the last nine years and have not regretted it.

Many good answers with many different points of view.

"i know that there are rumors of american men being used for a green card and for money " not a rumour it's a sad fact BUT it does not involve all Filipinas.

"i am just confused because american girls are so different" this difference is the inner beauty of the Filipina.

One of the answers stated:
"The best thing to do is to do your own research and figure out what is best for you....on your own. Do not depend on the answers you will get in here to make decisions for you"-this is probably true use all the answers as a guideline only. No-one here, except for you, knows the girl so therefore no-one can pass judgement on her.

"I disagree with your point of view, I think the reason why Filipino women are after and give more attention to foreigners,because foreigners tend to respect Filipino women more than the Filipino men."-
Binbini to be fair I would like to add that not all foreigners show this respect for Filipina's I have known of some (small minority) who mistreat their wives and treat them as second class citizens and of some who prostitute their wives-thankfully only a small minority. The rest of your answer should be sending a warning to Filipino men.

Tyler, I read the translation of the letter, basically go with your gut feeling. Good luck to you and I hope that everything works out for you.
Oh yes, if she is as good as she sounds you are one lucky guy.

ohioan_femme

I will tell you what I got from experience.

I am a Filipina and I was married to an American guy. I loved him and I never asked for gifts from him even during birthdays or Christmas. Sometimes he would give me gifts, sometimes not, I didnâ€™t cared. I always tell him that if I want something, I'd get it myself. I have a Bachelorâ€™s degree and I was working in the Philippines when I met him and never thought Iâ€™d end up in America. I worked so I could help him build our lives and I never sent money to my family in the Philippines.

He was a nice guy really. Meaning he was kind enough and gentle enough and he never hit me. I could complain that he never helped me at home, not even taking out the garbage. I would think he would since both of us are working. Our problems started when he cheated on me. I tried to work it out with him but he just kept on lying, even lied to the preacher who was helping us so in the end I didnâ€™t have any choice but to divorce him. I just cannot live in a relationship where trust and honesty doesnâ€™t exist. Filipinas generally make loyal wives but they demand the same thing in return.

pinhed_1976

my friend, you have found a true gem. just make sure you are worthy of her. i've been married to a filipina for almost 2 years now, and it's been the best 2 years of my life.

livinhapi

yep, they are for real and thats the way they love their man.they are great and good in all aspects of relationship of course not all especially those who are already influenced by the western culture, but yes they are what you describe and its true and i am married to one for the last 37 yrs.

just me

Well, you are lucky to have her.. I am telling you now.. Filipina are different with american ladies.. I will not generalize, but majority of them are really caring and thoughtful..

I am filipina who married american guy. He always told me that we (filipina) are different from american ladies I dont know why he said that. I love my husband so much.. I did not marry him because of green card or anything.

American always think that we marry them because of greencard. Well, they are wrong... There is a lot of Filipino that are more educated than americans..

There is no difference of living in the USA and living in the Philippines.. We all both pay taxes, the only difference only is that, USA have more better opportunity for jobs in all ages which is not in the philippines.. But if you compare these 2, it more nice to live in the Philippines because of lower cost of living.

No one can tell if your filipina gf is faking.. You can feel it inside yourself if she is honest with you.

If you love your girlfriend, you will not care about rumors and anything..Just follow your heart.. but of course be wise..

Mr.Knowitall

Hasn't asked for money jumped out at me like a beacon. That is the key my friend. The gold diggers ask usually by the 2nd or 3rd correnspondence. This sounds just like the courtship with my wife. We met online and and emailed a thousand times and letters and phone calls. She finally asked for money to help with her expenses in the fiance paperwork, and then only needed $200. She was very simple and down to earth, being from the far North, Dagupan. We are now happily married for 5 years with two beautiful children. Too good to be true? No. Truly good, yes.

kuanas

filipinas loves the simple things in life & living it here in the REAL world.. like me. and above all things, peace of mind.

~o0o~

i would like to answer this question. i think not in general that Filipino women are aftering the green card/money/looking for green pastures...etc. because there are some women in the Philippines too who can afford everything, or in short is wealthy also. and not exactly a certain country like Philippines are targetting capable or wealthy foreigners, BUT there are some foreigners too (as i knew) from Europe who is also looking for these kind of women to be his future wife just because of the wealth of that woman and not because of the real love he has for that woman.
so i think this is a case by case situation. though precautions must be needed to avoid regrets in the aftermath.

Big P

I am very happy for you seriously. I am proudly married to filipina similiar to your woman. We have 2 pretty baby girls.
I advise you to wait just little bit longer. I went through the same suspicion as you before. Now, me and the wife have gone through some tests and trials that clearly indicated her love for me is real.

I have been around filipino's for a long time and I am not a stranger to their culture and way of living.
Try to learn some tagolog.

Do she want to have babies by you? If she does, she probably want you for the rest of her life.

TO: Big Chuck, I like answer man, your on a roll.

I am a Filipina, I have been in a relationship but only with Filipinos but let me just share some few things..

Filipino women loves this way, the way you described it, maybe not all, but based from my experience and the people around me we do love this way..

I am not generalizing it but for Filipinos,

If you love a person you would always want to be with that person you love..

You said "she is more worried about my happiness than hers" because her happiness is your happiness.. Maybe not the way your used to especially you grew up in a totally different culture from ours but for us that is one of the ways we show our true love, what you call selfless love..

And yes Filipinas do get angry if you do not show her enough love as she expects from you because if she loves you she also wants to be loved in return ofcourse..

It is too good to be true but it happens...

BUT, Tyler we do not know the girl you are talking about.. You know her so you should also know if she's just pretending or not..

In my opinion it will be unfair for her if you hire a private detective or something just like what i read in one answer here, because this will mean that you totally do not trust her..

In your question you are only concerned of her love for you.. if she's lying or not.. but what about you?? do you love her?? and do you trust her?? If you don't really trust her that means you don't love her and there's no point of continuing your relationship..

If you are not sure of her feelings for you and your feelings for her then take time knowing each other...

Also prayer really helps..<;

Ray H

And that my friend is the reason I'm engaged to a filipina. They are more loving and care less about material things.

Tony NY

Tyler ... I do not envy you because you're clearly in a tough position. Normal caution dictates you should be at least a little suspicious. However, based on what you've said, there isn't any reason to doubt her.

In such a case, I think the best advice is to let time tell. If there's something fishy going on, sooner or later any false pretense will be revealed. If you rush to determine her true motives, that would involve "testing," a possible insult to your relationship. But if you're too hasty to fully trust her, you could get left empty-handed. Therefore, taking your time might be the most ethical and effective course of action.

Do you think so? All the best to you, Tyler.

Rene B

If she comes from a respectable and well-educated family, then you're OK. Otherwise, be very, very careful.

StarbucksAficionado

Hi Tyler, your relationship might seem to good to be true if you haven't had that kind of relationship before. Before my husband and I got married, it seemed to good to be true also. He is my ideal man and he has all the qualities I've prayed for in a guy. I'm a Filipino and he's caucasian. You are the only one who can tell if she is truthful to you. The question is are you truthful to her. Are you marrying her just because of her looks and because she's in love with you?

I suggest you assess yourself and you cannot assess your feelings for her by flirting with other girls. If you want to be at peace with your decision of marrying her, you have to start with yourself. Are you willing to commit on her and is she willing to commit for you. Whether you ended up living here or living in the Philippines, it will be up to you since once you get married, you are the husband and she should submit to you.

filamusa

It is my experience that many of the same people that tend to answer questions here are generaly in favor of the situation that you are in. For the most part these people have already made up thier minds that for one reason or another the marriages are not necessarily for a greencard but for love. It may be love but it also it may be not. Do not be influenced by people in here because if they are wrong it could really do damage to you. The best thing to do is to do your own research and figure out what is best for you....on your own. Do not depend on the answers you will get in here to make decisions for you. It is not by accident that girls from 3rd world countries like the Philippines meet guys like you. I have a proposal for you and here it is:

Go flirt with and try to date as many asian girls as you can that are already legal residents of your country. Make sure that they have a greencard. See what happens. See if you get a date with any of them.

Then go to the Philippines and flirt with some girls and ask them for a date. See what happens.

I think it is fair to say that if there are a significantly more number of girls that want to date you when you are in the philippines then perhaps that might indicate that it is more than just a difference in culture and perhaps those girls are looking for a greencard / security. If there is no difference then maybe asian girls truly are what most of these people here have said they are.

I am filipino and I already know what the answer to your question is. I would very much like to go to the USA too but the only way I can live there legally is to marry an american it seems. I probably wouldn't be able to marry a young hot american girl but I bet you I can marry an older, not so nice-looking american girl if I give her some attention and treat her better than how those american guys treat her.

I hope you got my point.

I have read the answers and you got some good responses and advice. I have known many filipinas myself, but you are much more fortunate in that you can and do visit your girlfriend. I have been cheated by a few as well as their families were all involved, that's another story. You failed to mention if you have sexual relations with this pinay? It's no ones business of course, but if you had I would think you have your own answer here. I had relationships there before and I think a good judge of character, only to stop the allowance and soon after, get a dear John letter and that was after one year. I am older and as it's said a fool and his money is soon parted, but I learned and enjoyed the experience, sometimes as well. The intelligent filipina needs not to ask you for money, earning your trust will get her more cash, rings and a home perhaps. It appears your girlfriend is real and cares. There are private investigators there that are good and can learn about her and her family and follow her etc. I know of several American older men that as soon as they got here in months, the filipina took off. Some have friends and lovers already here and looking for a man to provide the funds and means to get here, then take off. If you doubt this woman this much, perhaps it's your own feelings you are in doubt of. You name the situation here, and I have probably experienced it or heard about it. If you love and want the woman, be brave and take the first step, propose and marry her, unless you don't trust her, if so there must be a reason here you aren't sharing. Not one word in your question that you love her. Luck

Well

Possibly. It is a red flag if your girlfriend appears to "live for you" only. Besides being unhealthy scenarion in any relationship and an indicator of possible low self-esteem on her part, such behavior can be reasonably construed to verify your GF's not so enviable hidden agendas (green card or desperation). That's just my gut feeling.

As much as you think you know her, remember this: if you're the type who had trouble understanding an American woman and hence probably why you are with a Pinay now, what makes you think you can fathom a Filipina's mind better? After all, we are talking about a woman from a very different culture, race, religion , society, mannerisms and above all, language.

You gotta be realistic, man.

Also, I happen to agree with Filamusa's comment: "Go flirt with and try to date as many asian girls as you can that are already legal residents of your country. Make sure that they have a greencard. See what happens. See if you get a date with any of them."

papars

Yes, I've had long-distance relationships with many Filipinas and been wiser for experience. Sure, ALL men holding US or EU passports are a target for Filipina women. The demands dont start when the relationship is "long-distance." Demands pour in like a flood when you and her get closer. Same with the cash. Get married and you'll soon find yourself battling for her US visa..if you are an American...and supporting her entire family- parents, brothers, sisters, their spouses, kids et.al.

But generally, Filipina women are good, provided you know how to keep the money-visa business out of the relations. They are excellent home-makers and truly loving, though the ways in which they show it differs in many ways. Some Filipina women are simply happy they have a foreign spouse because their own men are pretty irresponsible and leave a woman with kids to seek fresher...shall we say..pastures??? Also, a majority of Filipina women are honest with their partners and will bear much more than other women, in cases of conflict.

Yes, the visa-money pill can be very bitter. Most governments now are aware of the "backdoor" entry that some Filipina women attempt and hence, getting her to your homeland can be some real bother. I've heard of cases where American men have had to wait for as long as four years to get a entry visa to the US...because it needed to be cleared by some authority in D.C.

binibining pilipina

TO FILAMUSA:

I disagree with your point of view, I think the reason why Filipino women are after and give more attention to foreigners,because foreigners tend to respect Filipino women more than the Filipino men.

In the Philippines, Filipina are taken for granted by Filipino men, and it seems like it's always the Filipina women who is more of the bread winner and who always think and make decisions for the family.

while foreigners old or young they are seems to be more of a Man because they give attention to their Filipina wife, they are more responsible and always doing the best things for Filipina wife.

Yes, Filipina well choose American men over a Filipino men in a heartbeat, one of the reason i can agree with you is because of better life, and as I mentioned that foreigners do take care of the Filipina women and they are more secured in life.

And it's not like it's the Filipina women who are looking for the foreigners, it's them who are after Filipino women, because let's admit it, filipina are loyal and very loving to their husband who respects them and take cares of them.

I don't have nothing against Filipino men, i have uncle's who are very responsible and I'm not being biased i witnessed how they take care of their family, but majority of Filipino men, acts like they are still teenagers.

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