How can someone improve her sex drive?

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rickyrock

a simple case of mind over matter...at the right moment - think sexy....think passion....think lust

but for now, don't overthink your situation...

Kerengkeng

honey, here's an article from iVillage.com

Let’s face it: When your sex life goes down the drain, fun dates and good conversation aren’t going to save your relationship. That’s why it’s paramount that your sex life gets just as much focus as the rest of your marriage.

There's no getting around it; sex is a vital part of most marriages. So what happens when one or more parties lose interest -- or never had it to begin with? Research says these unions are more likely to fail. (After money, sex is the No. 1 reason couples divorce.) But it doesn't have to get that far. In her book The Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner Davis suggests three strategies for improving your sex life and preserving your relationship.

The do-it-yourself solution
No matter how much your spouse loves you or wants to please you, s/he might never have the same sex drive as you. Therefore, it's unreasonable for you to expect your spouse to be at your beck and call every time you feel sexual. You need to take responsibility for satisfying your own needs from time to time. In all likelihood, you are already doing this, and you don't need me to tell you to do it. However, you might be feeling resentful about it, and that's not fair. Although it is my hope that your spouse will invest more energy into your sexual relationship, there will still be times when you're ready to roll and s/he isn't. That's normal and you need to accept it. As long as your spouse is making more of an effort to understand and care for you and your needs, you need to work harder at accepting your differences. And part of this acceptance entails taking care of yourself occasionally and feeling fine about it. This will be easier for you to do once you truly feel your spouse cares about you and your feelings. And hopefully, if that isn't happening already, it will, very soon.

Variety is the spice of life
Perhaps your sex life has become routine. Boredom is an industrial-strength sexual desire dampener. Even the most highly sexed person can begin to feel ho-hum about sex if it's always the same old thing. If this rings true of your sexual relationship, it might be time for you to try to spice things up a bit. You need to be creative to avoid sexual boredom. Try a new location, rent a hotel room, experiment with new positions, buy new lingerie, rent a sexy video, try a hot bath, candles and a massage. Cast your inhibitions to the wind.

Kellie complained that she was losing desire because she was having trouble feeling aroused. It took her considerably longer to have an orgasm, and when she did, it wasn't as strong as orgasms had been in the past. She found herself feeling more and more disinterested each time her husband approached her. She wondered if it was because of her age -- she was 52 -- and whether she should consider taking hormone supplements.

Kellie was menopausal, and it was entirely possible that biological causes were at the root of her sexual difficulties and lack of desire. However, I also wondered about the quality of her sexual relationship with her husband. Kellie confessed to feeling bored. Their lovemaking had become routine and unexciting. Because her mind would drift during their sexual encounters, she found it challenging to maintain feelings of arousal.

I suggested that she talk to her husband about her feelings and for them to plan ways to introduce some novelty into their time together. Kellie discussed what had turned her on in the past -- dressing up, varied positions and locations in their home -- and agreed to start doing that again. When Kellie returned that following week, she reported that she had no problems with arousal. She had several strong orgasms, just like in the good old days. Apparently, getting out of their sexual rut was just what the doctor ordered.

If all else fails, be brutally honest
I've worked with countless couples where one spouse was so dissatisfied with their sexual relationship that eventually s/he decided to have an affair or leave the marriage. You might be thinking of these alternatives too. Affairs and divorce are lousy solutions. Even if an affair satisfies you temporarily (and it might; newness is a great aphrodisiac), it will only create more problems in the long run. Although an affair can serve as a wake-up call to the low-desire spouse, you can't always count on this. Affairs can also destroy your marriage. And even if your marriage survives, the pain an affair causes is immeasurable.

Divorce isn't a good solution either. It destroys families forever. Plus, if you run from your problems rather than work them out, you might find a more sexually compatible spouse, but since no relationship is problem free, you'll find yourself with a new set of problems in no time flat. The grass truly isn't greener on the other side, even if the other side is more sexually attractive.

However, as the more highly sexed person, you might be at the end of your rope. You might be fantasizing about someone else or about packing your bags and leaving. Before you decide to have an affair or leave, I implore you to make sure your spouse knows in no uncertain terms the seriousness of the situation. Make certain s/he understands what will happen if nothing changes. Don't threaten in the heat of an argument. Don't say nasty things. Don't blame. Don't criticize. Just tell your spouse calmly (or write a letter) that because of the differences in your sexual appetite, you are so unhappy that you are considering doing something you really don't want to do. Spell out what you've been thinking about. Tell your spouse that this is not a threat, but that you are so desperate, you don't know what else to do. Ask your partner one more time to seek help. Then wait and see what happens.

pero_102

worry not, it's a natural phase of sex life, from development , maturity, decline then regrow.
if not, maybe stay away from each other for less than 3 months, that is, if you have deep feelings and you'll miss each other.
however, there are abnormalities in some couples, some would want a quarrel before emotional intimacies,others prefer physical abuse, some just a simple romantic setting would suffice.

yellow_tofu

lose the zero and get with a hero.

Bato

Experiment. Toys may help. Trying out different sex positions will also give you the boost.

Or if you have the budget spend a night in a hotel. Fine dinning, Jacuzzis, romantic setting. Sigh... how envious :]

If you're in for a thrill do it in a public place.

Movie house? hehe...
Car? umm...
backyard?
Your BFF's house?

And buy a sexy lingerie together. Hehe... :p enjoy!

oscar c

i dont think you could improve.. unless it's done through the interference of drugs..
some people are just born like that..it is in their bodily anatomies. their level of satisfaction in life, in the broader sense, is far more appaling and mysterious than aesthethic and ethical levels..

If you're losing interest, so be it. there must be a legitimate reason why is thAT, and only you can explain, try philosophically..

Sexy No More

The question is: were you really losing your interest on sex or your interest to make love with your partner? Take note the differences between “sex as an activity” and “sex with someone you want” or “you don’t like anymore”.

There maybe other reasons why you are not focusing to your man anymore; job, kids, your family problem, or other “party” who consumed most of your time physically, psychologically and mentally. Take a break and divert your attention to your man…

You can only find the way to improve you sex life once you solve where the problem started.

Good luck!

fred g

Two things. 1) accept the fact that you are losing interest in sex for the moment. 2) Well, brings weird stuff in it like toys.

Purple Tactics

Watch porn together... may I suggest Jenna Haze's classic "Butt is it art??"

evasnescence

you may be having grieving problems - try watching x rated movies tons of dvds coming out (but its trial and error to get the good ones) or buying fhm mags or go to pinoytube.com - just to stir the senses - sex shud still be fun - -- not obligatory

Country lover

take a break from sex for a while.

purple & pink

Do it in new places (other than your bed), try new positions, and improve the way you or your partner romance..

And you can also try role-playing and try changing your room's environment...

Sun

For male will take "Tongkat Ali", for female, u can try "Kacip Fatimah". Is one kind of Malay herb in Malaysia.

ericka

do poll dancing!

kokey14

Just simply eat "BALOT" it is an aphrodisiac.

Kojak

First..... It is not unusual for people in a long term relationships to get bored with each other......to get bored with sex. Relationships go through stages.
Second.... The answer is not with getting "sex toys" as has been recommended.....there are problems with that easy solution. It can lead to even greater problems. That is a subject for another time.
Third..... The answer to your problem is to work on your relationship. How you interact with your partner. You have fallen into a runt. You do the same things the same way. The newness and excitement has gone. You exist on what you GET from each other not what you give to each other.
For my recommendations to work BOTH of you must agree there is a problem that could destroy the relationship.....and BOTH of you want to work on the problem. If only one person works; there is no solution.
You need to change your lifestyle. Explore each others fantasies. Start giving instead of taking. You can change "where" you make love. Select one person to be the "love object". Spend the entire session making that one partner happy. The next time , switch roles. Go slow....instead of "slam -bam - thank you"......start wih hot oil massage..... blind fold each other and explore each others bodies with only he finger tips in a feather touch.....use contrast.....use ice to stimulate various parts of the body.....have a hot wash rag ready and after you make love wipe your partners body down in a loving refreshing way....
coat your partners body with chocolate and lick it off. Use your imagination. Explore each others fantasies......do role playing.....pretend to be strangers and pick each other up at local bar.....let your imagination and fun soar.

Rebecca & Bryan =}

u can probably tell him the sex is not good enough anymore and go find you some other cock to play with.

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