I have a problem. Care to help?

Show all answers

hushpuppy

i dont know how dating should work in the muslim community, but let's be practical and a tad more realistic. anne is 24 years old, and i am assuming she will not be interested in "boys" (defined in terms of maturity and age) so if she sticks to dont-even-touch-my-hand until marriage i would say unless she will be happy with jump-straight-into-marriage-skipping-the... kind of relationship pretty much she can forget about having a soul mate. even less to say a guy of her age or older who never had a girlfriend. if i were anne's friend, i would tell her a guy of 25 years old, never touched a woman's hand or never had a girlfriend, never watched sexual material, has something wrong with him. he is probably gay. to say a guy is toooo shy to that extent, i would consider and reconsider and rereconsider such a man as my potential life partner. i cannot have a man who sits there and wait for me to touch him. you get my point.

pegang tangan - if you are fond of someone you will want to be touchy. again, pardon my ignorance of islamic rules, i see holding hands as completely decent and important base for human relationships. lol if my man didnt wanna hold my hand, he could go find someone else.

as for her wearing tudung, i would say she should keep to it. seeing that this is so strong a belief to her, do not lose your ground for a man. if you take your tudung off, you never know when he is asking you to take your pants off. there is absolutely nothing wrong or disgraceful about wearing tudung, in fact this dude (by the way has the same name like my exx?? lol) should be grateful and feel privilege anne is willing to keep herself only to himself. such a man is not worth giving yourself up for. plus, think about this... for a man to use "my family this and that this and that".... that is so not a man. she needs a man who has his own opinions, not only that of his family.

i stood firm with my principle once and i was ditched. very brutally. only then i realise, despite the heartache it was worth it. i would not want to be with someone who cannot appreciate my principles and bear the regrets your life.

Arminda W

My advice is for Anne to let go of Yanz and stick with what she beieved in her life, it'll show respect to her family & to everybody who wear the tudong and their beliefs, though Yans is said to be brilliant, I guess he is not the right guy for her, he should not even bother about the tudong and other things that required for Anne to be with him, if he loves her, he will accept her for what she really is..Anne will find a guy of her own, more to find a soulmate in the same religion as she, or sometimes it depends on how sincere the person of interest will be..someone who has great understanding & enough love for her & will never give her up no matter what, tell Anne to hold on & be strong Yanz do not deserve her sincere affection, real love won't put any conditions or rules to follow, tudong is not the case here, its just the love is not real...I myself & my in tire family are Devoted Catholics, but my elder sister is married to a Pure Muslim, they love each other so both are accepted to each side,we respect what they have for each other, they are together for 20 years now, & blessed of 5 wonderful kids, my nieces & nephew followed the Muslim way, girls wear tudong ..my sister who are converted to Muslin wear tudong also..they don't have any problems or make an issue regarding this, its their love hold on to everything...hopefully, Anne will learned to accept that. Its easy to let go of someone who is not deserving...thank you.

Ryuzaki "L" The KiD

1.Erm.. My gf is like that, same lk Anne. We can go out, watchin movies, eat together but i cant touch her b4 marriage. Yeah, even her hand. She wears tudung of course.. This is some kind of test, for me n her, i think la..

2. If am Anne, i would never go out with Yanz coz relationship is bout tolerate n not always bout what you want. maybe tudung means sumthin to her, not just to cover her head/hair but sumthin deep.(Again, this is what i think bout my gf)

3. Not all.

4. If a girl such as Anne (never had a bf) exist, i think there'll be someone for her out there.. but, it will be very2 hard, i thinkla..

5. Find someone better!

yanar89

There are better guys out there than Yanz for her.. I think that Anne should keep up to her principles.. I mean, if to Anne, her religion is most important, than she would be able to sacrifice anything for the sake of her religion..
I am not in the situation, so, idk what I would do if I were Anne.. Its OK to have bf and gf, but its how u control the relationship, and your intention. Nowadays, very difficult to find ppl who never had bf or gf in their entire life... What Anne did, putting that restriction is great, and I salute her for that.

BTW, u did mention that the family are the ones who cant accept girls wearing Tudung, so, why not elope?? hehe

huh Mrs. Crab, with her avatar like that. I dun think she is Anne.. hohoho

©act⊍⊍a®

They are clearly not suited.
Sounds like they don't love each other for who he/she is, but what he/she is expected to be. One shouldn't set conditions to love.
Even if either one does change, I'd expect there to be resentment and more unhappiness down the line because he/she is not being his/her true self.

I suggest they part ways and look for someone with similar values.

I think guys want play with a naughty girl, but marry a good one.
Just like bad boys are more fun, but we girls will eventually settle for the good guys.

---------------------
If I were a guy, I'd not go for Anne, she sounds suppressed and not much fun. I mean, she won't even laugh aloud??!

Optimus Nate Primal™

as a muslimah, she must follow the shariah. also in munakahat, there is a term in malay ' sekufu'. so, in this case, there is obvious they are not 'sekufu'.

second, in malay also, people says 'ikut hati - mati, ikut rasa binasa'. so, don't follow what your heart and feeling, but think rational and follow the qu'ran and sunnah.

islam also give guidance to us in searching spouse - beautiful, wealthy, descendant, and religion - we must choose religion.

today, we always follow the westerners in making decision. yes we like to have free will and free to decide - but in islam there are no such thing. we are free but not 100% free... because our creator is most knowledgeable than us.

Wild Bean

If Anne should change for Yanz (buka tudung, touch hand and what not), then why can't Yanz change for Anne ?

Bottomline is, a relationship between 2 persons should not be a process of 'changing' one person to the other person ... yeah, maybe the bad habits but not the values or principles ....

And I believe Anne will finally meet someone who appreciates her values and so will Yanz ...

Speaking of changing values and principles, I too have been changed by Bean ... lol

DATUK Ketam

As much as a brilliant guy...tis Yanz is still not man enuf...

..how to get married and be the head of a family when yr family is still making decisions for u and yr life...shame on him...

...ladies if yr man is still depending on his mother or father to make decisions on his life....my advise...leave him...

...let him make decisions...even if he makes mistakes...at least it is his decisions...he will grow up that way...

...and ..some more...

..ladies remember tat u are marrying him and not his family...

ADD:...hehehehehe...aiyoo cik cheeky....rase nye my 8 legs and sepit cam nak tanggal...ngan proposal awak tu,,,,,hehehhehehe....i tak kesah..wat i need is a dominant gardener...tolongjaga my plants...wahahahhaha

Adi Keladi

I agree with many of the answers here, esp Arminda. In relationship, our partner should accept and respect who we are and the vital principles we hold. While relationship needs sacrifice, we need to be sure that the sacrifice is really necessary or worth it, or it would be meaningless. She needs to remember that this decision will affect her for the rest of her life.

In some cases love alone won't be enough if you have to change yourself forcibly, sacrifice things you believe dearly and pretend to be somebody else you are not till the day you die. Can you obtain happiness?

GarisHalus

1. Yanz is expessing what he want ... and Anne is doing what she feels right for her ... so both cannot meet each other's demand ... end of relationship .. it's normal, straightfoward and easy.

2. If I am Anne, i'll do what he [Yanz] want (hahaha ... i'm expressing my opinion ... makcik2 sekolah agama sana tu tak payah kecoh)

3. Well i prefer good girl but not too good or wild ... it's ok if she's not a "religious servant" ... as long as she can think wisely and not too rigid and limit her thought to a certain limit ... (pheww...)

4. Soul Mate? ... she'll find her mate sooner or later ... no one is born alone ... [Bukankah kita dicipta lelaki dan wanita .. untuk saling mengenal dan menghormati ...dan berpasang pasangan ]

5. Anne... always believe in yourself ... do not afraid of anything or anybody ... [Marilah sama sama kita menganut Agama Cinta]

ΨξThere is Peace in Ya!m$eng

1)have to see how much the girl love that guy

2)sorry,i m not malay,so my opinion is diferent......

3)when first meet a good girl ,they will like,but after few week,they prefer wild/bad girl

4)ask god

5)is that u?

yuanyuan

What’s your opinion on the situation? ---- if there is no meeting halfway, then they are not meant to be - end of story.

What will you do if you were Anne? ---- i don't know a tudung, but if that's the only condition set by Yanz, I will give in and see how our relationship could work

Is it true that guys prefer more to wild/bad girls?----prefer good girls? well, I am quite sure guys would prefer to marry a good girl, but love is mysterious. they could fall for a pelacur for all u know, :)

If that so, does it impossible for a girl like Anne to get a soul mate who never had a gf? ----no, nothing is impossible

What’s your advice to Anne? --- I'll give in a little and see if our relationship could work out despite the religious differences. If it won't work, well I could say that I at least tried.

aynツ

I dont think that the good girls-bad girls factor effects the soul-mate searching n selecting, its just a criteria which u think is the most ideal to you.. what men want in a woman is different form one man to another.. its just a matter of preference.

However.. If u ask a more 'old n conventional' ppl... they surely opt for the 'lelaki baik utk perempuan baik' thingy. Modern ppl may think differently or have their own argument, but it wont hurt Anna in any way if she choose to wait, for a similar-class, well-adjusted and 'sekufu' relationship.

Anna: She has a choice. If they choose to part ways, no one's gonna blame her anyway, take it as takde jodoh je la.. Standing up for what she believes in is one criteria that man shud look in a girl when finding a soulmate and if yanz misses that, something is definitely wrong wif him.. But still, if they really love each other, love will find its way.

Yanz : He shud allow her to be able to do anything she wants. [Wearing tudung or not] is not for Yanz to decide for Anna. If he really loves her - there shall be no terms n conditions, no regulations, and no goal or deadline to meet. If he cant do that, then its not love.

lets talk-now w

Im not a religious malay women but for me

1) keep up her principal
2) im totally difrent from anne but if any Malay man ask me to wear hijab for conditin to marriy with him i will never follow..for me "love have no condition" .
3) depend to the boy
4) maybe
5) he is not a right man for her

★ Cik Yaya ★

What’s your opinion on the situation?

What will you do if you were Anne?
~Stick to my principle. cayalah Hushpuppy...
for me, love is about accepting the good and bad, not changing it.

Is it true that guys prefer more to wild/bad girls?
~can't tell

If that so, does it impossible for a girl like Anne to get a soul mate who never had a gf?
~Sure...like kuch kuch hota hai...there's one for you in this world.

What’s your advice to Anne?
~Stay firm

Puan Sri kiki. lala

to love is to accept the person for what s/he is..

anne - stick to her principles.
yanz- stick to his principles.

let love lead the way..ecewahh..
but very sad indeed lah case ni..

ask both of them to pray. ask God's guidance.
if s/he is meant for u, then it'll be..
fret not.

ahaha.cm bagus pula beta ini.haih~

:: hmm..just go with the flow..give each other some times, space..time will tell.. hopefully la..

Mega ☮ Peace

gosh, but why all that? Don't just tell me "religion said so" but rather why did her religion disallow 'normal' clothes, and laughing out loud.

Maybe she overeacted. Maybe the guy shouldn't have forced her. Maybe afew more conversation and they both might reach an agreement whereby both side will be on a win win situation.

If i'm Anne, i'll evaluate if God comes first, or the guy. If god comes first, there might be plenty of things she will do in the future that could force the guy to wits end one day and eventually leave the relationship, thus I will not continue in the relationship.
If the guy comes first, she'll know that CERTAIN rules in life, if followed too strictly, will result in a decision that she will have to bear with for the rest of her life.

Guys prefer girls who are more sporting. Maybe that's all he asks from her. Perhaps, he has a thirst for more that will never be quenched. That's up to Anne to judge.

If Anne leaves him for God. Then God will reward her, one way or another. Maybe she'll eventually find solace and happiness in places that not even a soul mate can provide. :D

My advice for Anne is, tell the guy she needed time to think. Then, she evaluate her decision, based on how well she know her guy and how well she know god. Sometimes, you don't get the best of both worlds. You'll just have to sacrifice something to get something better. Think about it.

uNcLe MutHu

Yanz are on the angel masked ....la ...

laughed and lived

1. if Yanz really likes her, he would accept Anne for who she is. I dont see anything wrong with devoting yourself to your religion.

2. dump him

3.Idk

4.No

5. Just dump him Anne,sacrificing all those things just for a guy is clearly not worth it.

LiangMoi

No sexual relationship before marriage that I comprehend. But no touching even of hands I 'd call that ridiculous. I 'd say ' Yanz, she might find love-making dirty and sinful too if she happens to be your wife one day.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: