Please judge me. Am I too rude?

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Jeffy

^
oh babe...
what a horrible mother & sis in law you gonna end up with..[that is if you agree to marry Mie]

hm.knowing your situation..the letter doesnt sound rude at all..
but to other family members & relatives who had been poisoned with lies, the letter might seem like a "head on" war threat..

the thing that kinda puzzles me, did Mie do or say anything to his family to stop the rumours about you?
did he stand up and explain the truth to his family members?
well, you do know that if he just keeps quiet all these while and suddenly your letter arrives..it will surely confirms the rumour made and circulated by your bf's mom & sis...

although, " come from keluarga miskin and use bomoh to get my bf."
is really unbelievable la..
come from keluarga miskin also got problem ar?
dont tell me she expects only puteri kencana that can match her son..
use bomoh to get your bf?
omg, perhaps that's what she did to get your bf's father? [ok,im rude now..]
lol..but really, if she didn't do that, what makes her sooo scared that her son will also kena bomoh guna guna?

i hope things will turn out right, i wish all the best to you babe..

add :
ohh dear.now it seems his mom is the domineering one..
cant she listen to reasons?
------------------------------ --------------------------------- --------------------
i really feel for you la babe..
actually, you belum jadi her daughter in law jer she already start to bully you..
takkan everything will be vice versa after janur kuning..

big family often spells out big problems
[like my family..so many in house produced dramas la]

hm...perhaps the only thing you can do now is to pray and see if there might be some ways carved out for you to prove them wrong and change their attitude towards you..

GarisHalus

Hye darling,

RE: My personal view on your letter

...And I lower myself these days, as Mie wanted all this, wanted me and his family be acquainted”... [supression of desire]

...Hope we will be in-laws someday; hope so soon, if god wills...Insya Allah”... [You're still hoping]

...I know it is a must for Kelantanese to hate anybody who is not their clan... [provocation]

...I wasn't brought up like u were, so being ill-mannered to people who tender assistance to us... [really doubtfull statement as it's totally against its content]

...I will try to behave AGAIN in other conversation... [admission of guilty]

...then u will see the very bad side of me. U may take this as a warning if u like... [motive / threat / or desperate to show anger]

...I hate fighting as my mom didn’t teach me to... [contradictory statement]

Conclusion : Explosion of Inner Feeling [not rude]

hushpuppy

first of all, i dont think you are rude, at all.

secondly however, i am not sure if this letter is warranted.

thirdly, i have concern that once this letter has been received and read, there is no turning back. i have a feeling that your relationship with the family will only get worse from here.

fourthly of course, if the letter has gone out, be sure your mie knows of this. you do not want him to know it from his side of family. dont forget people tend to tokok tambah, salt and vinegar, what not.

fifthly, the only person who has to know whether you are acting rude (which again, i dont think so) is mie. he should be playing the main role to bridge bond between you and his family. you are not connection here, he is.

----

makes me wonder cheecke, the letter should have come out from your bf, not you at all. this shouldnt be a feud between you and his family but rather it is his to solve, especially if he seems to agree that his family had been on the "wrong" side.

---

if i had your generosity the best i could do is ignore them, seriously would not be bothered to mend problems that do not arise from my side.

all the best

ns228

i think you should have spoken to your boyfriend first...!!!

Because you giving these stuff in writing is dangerous... they are funny people you know??? They'll keep these letter and stuff and could use it against you... so keep in your mind that you should not give anyone anything in WRITING... if they say they are innocent how will you prove it they are lying??? you don't have anything to prove it right???

So be careful hun... i've dealt with these kinda people too... they are way too bizarre...!!!

All the best with your boyfriend... and yes... make sure he's always on your side... and he always understands you... thats very important...

DATUK Ketam

nope u are not....anyhow from wat i pick up....just do wat u feel is right coz it is extremely enlightening to read this...

.".my bf has checked the letter before it’s sent to his family... And he said "Ok..ok...cun...hantar je...Basuh diorang cukup2" =)"

...tat he will always be with you...both of u making decisions together...

..these kinda thgs happen...sooner or later...so its best sooner....
..but i hope yr bf plays his part...coz his role is extremely pivotal....

PS...(no offence to any Kelantanese..)...personally i wuld do treat them tat way...had experiences with them...as neighbours and colleagues...

..so go for it girl...speak your heart out..!!!!....fight for wat is yours!!

-oo7-

pity u.but i have to say this,it is NOT a must for kelantanese to hate anyone not from their clan..no!
one more thing,it is USUAL n NORMAL for kelantanese to refer a/any woman/girl/female as 'betina'...

aite...when i read ur details at first i think it is really rude to say such thing but when i reach at the end, i think its okay..lol. because they had acted too much! hating u for no clear reason[as u said laa]. i can see what makes u became a lioness!

hurmm...ask Mie to call his mother n u talk to her, make ur voice very2 sweet n low profile[berlakon sket2 ok wat..haha!] say that u r very sorry with what u have done n if she really does hate u like hell,just give u a damn clear reason for her n his family to do so.

gud lak bebeh

kimht

do what u feel like doing
but remember to salam maaf during balik kampung time

you go girl! no, you're not too rude. You weren't critizing them in the letter or calling them names. You got your point across. you confronted them with the truth, and told them what you were feeling, which is good. When most people write letters like these, they end up calling the person a f*** b*** or some other kind of name. If you wrote a letter like that, then i would say that you were being too mean.

Mega ☮ Peace

omg, girl, you've come to a point of no return. The war is made clear to both parties now. Its not possible for both parties to telan their ego and mend back whatever damages had done.

Sometimes, they're just reluctant that their son/brother had finally found another place for love and affection. You don't know but some family are so tightly woven, they do not expect and can't accept it easily when one of the members is gradually moving away from them for one mere girl/boy.

No offence, but what you did was a short term solution. A solution that came from anger, not from careful consideration. Imagine how much harder it will be, to be with your bf now.

{<8 F@ce 0f Dorkn3s$ :^}

U don't really sound like a jerk. Well, u sound like ur trying 2, and have been for a while, get along w the family. Did u ask them why they dislike u so much? Do they glare at u or is it just the whole "ohh ur so ugly" thing? If iz just that then may be she's just jealous of ur looks insted. Keep trying 2 get on the PARENTS good side, thaz the main thing, the rest will have 2 follow. And even when the parents don't like u, u should still respect them and they may come around 2. ^_^ Ur letter does sound snotty at the last paragraph. If I wz reading it I would think u were just dissing me. I don't have the faintest clue what's with the whole clan thing, but may be iz cuz of some bickering between the clans?

Jeannine

Oh My.

I think your best bet is to have an Adult like conversation in person. Not in a letter. It tells me you have no courage to speak up for yourself.

Agnes E

Your bf's sister hasn't met you, but has the rest of the family met you? If not, who's telling you all this? Maybe you should meet the family before drawing conclusions. You should meet the sister to find out if she really says all that.
If it is true, I really can't judge you. It is your life.

United-Devils

Make sure you win this.

and if they ever reply, post the letter here can ah?

winterlotus

I would rather say that you used strong words in your letter to them.
You said you have all not met up yet but then, how did you know so much about the hatred, ugliness, name-calling, etc..??
Never listen to a one-sided story no matter how reliable the source may be....always see both sides of the story before you place judgement if necessary.
----------------------------
"Betina" is a common word usage.
I have heard people of different races here use the word when referring to females and ''jantan'' when referring to males.
So, this is not an issue, really. Cheer up.
-----------------------------
"but as a so-called educated people & a Muslim (as your mom repeatedly said),"
[You seem to be accusing the mother and all Kelantanese rudely here....*repeatedly said???* who told you???]
-----------------------------
"Let’s have guts here to voice out."
[To them, this means they don't have the b@lls to voice out]
-----------------------------
"“I have no idea how have u been brought up but in no doubt it was different from me. I wasn't brought up like u were."
[This hits out at the parents, especially the mother]
-----------------------------
"I will try to behave AGAIN in other conversation with u people.."
[Did you misbehave in previous conversations with them?......*u people*<<<rude...]
----------------------------
"However if this time I still see the same attitude then u will see the very bad side of me. U may take this as a warning if u like. If u have ego, so do I."
[You are already showing your bad points to them here.]
-----------------------------
"Actually, I hate fighting as my mom didn’t teach me to. Thus, let’s treat one another nicely so there would be no war among us... “
[Again, you are hitting out at the mother and they will see it to mean that their mother didn't teach them well like yours did....
War??... again, you will be seen as the first one to start the war...]
-----------------------------
That is how I see it, Cheekedee..... May God Guide You On.....
.

Bean

I'm too kasar to answer this..

Elizabeth S

their the rude 1s ur just stabding up 4 urself

Wild Bean

Nope ... this is in the name of self-defence ... I am serious ... Never be a pushover in a relationship especially like what you described ... all the best for you ...

me_onlyz

No, I don;t think you are too rude. However, I don't think writing to them will solve your problem at all. In fact, it will create another opportunity for them to attack you. I agree with ns228 to talk to Mie before you take any action on his family (afterall it's his family and it's not good for Mie being caught between gf and family members).

It's not easy to change his family's attitude toward you unless Mie can do it on your behalf because Mie has more "power" to affect his family member's decision and mind set. Nobody has the right to judge but human being just love to play judge, isn't it sad?

Adi Keladi

I can't really advice you. I can only pray the problem can be resolved nicely, in a win-win situation.

A couple, both of them my close friends, had the same problem ie the guy's mom hate the girl although the mom never meet her (until now). I was the mediator by request of the guy's mom. I did try to persuade the mom to accept his son's gf as she's a nice woman, just that she has a dark history. At the same time I tried to persuade the guy not to abandon his parents. In the end, both are just hardheaded and the couple eloped to be married.

Now, they already have a son but the wife never meet the parents-in-law due to refusal of the guy's parents to meet. Thus the problem continues. That's why I can't advice you.

jonelle n

No..
I think you're sexy..
LOL

yuanyuan

No, you were not too rude, which means you were a bit rude, haha.

If I was the one in your place, I wouldn't write. Sorry for that, i guess we just have different personalities. If I know I have not done anything wrong to them and my bf agrees with me, then I won't bother writing. If they do not like me for whatever reason they have come up with, then that is their problem, not mine. I will remain as I am, I will always try to be nice and civil to them and if they remain obnoxious, I will rethink my relationship w/ my bf. I will decide if it is all worth it. To have him and will have people who dislike/hate me as in-laws. If it's worth it, then let them be damned. They can hate all they like, I'll remain beautiful, haha. Let us see who'll lose, who'll turn ugly in the end. Lol!

happyfreakz

Not too rude.
When your boyfriend and hopeful husband's family doesn't like you for no reason then they have something stuck up their ****.

laziifrog

u can't fight fire with fire , u should be water in this drama to cool down your to be in law. yes , u do have the right to defend yourself but with the hard words its just be a good point for them to highlight that they are right about you. maybe they already had a choice for your MIE and then you came blocked theirs plan.I 'd been in this situation when my mom disagreed with my choice even she never met her before and for worst I am her baby . My mom forced me to choose her choice [ all sponsored by her ] or my girl [ be derhaka and get out from the family ]. I love my mom but I'm really in love with my girl and I choose my girl coz this about my life . We got married [without my mom presence ] , raised a family and after all this years , my wife is now my mom best friend . if your love is true everything gonna be all right by time. wish u all the best.

aynツ

i'm not sure, at one point you're not but at another point, you are...
(remember, u write to clarify urself, not to push them away)

but i'm sure at one point of the irrational behaviour (by ur bf's family), anyone that put herself in your shoes and would probably feel the same way.. therefore, would probably act the same too... would've done worse too... heheh, its hard to remain calm i know...

Alvin V

i didnt read that whole thing but ya ur a *****

Butterfly

owhh...sedih i bca..i hope that in the end u will find happiness..all the best ..

Puan Sri kiki. lala

oh my..

i can feel u.
seriously, agree with ur prev Q of 'y p.i.l really bothers about women/man marrying their son/daughter rather than having thought whether their own son/daughter is good enuff for others or not..'

now i knw y u eager to elope..huhu

in my opinion,u r not that rude.u r just stating ur point of view and stand for ur rights. everything got a reason so by rights they shud clearly tell u the reason y they hate u soo much. they owe u an explanation la kot in this case..

white_dove0902

maybe if you change your avatar to a picture of a tudung girl instead of a girl showing half her body, they may accept you...lol !

ok seriously, i pity you cause you are in this situation. Some inlaws can be rude... take things one day at a time and importantly, pray about it and God to show you is this the family that HE has for you, is this Mie the guy that you are suppose to get married to... if something that doesnt happen smoothly then its not God's will... MINTA PETUNJUK DARI TUHAN ! Take care and wish you all the best !

Justice

Please, am I too rude? You're funny.

luciloo26

yes

Billy

I don't feel like reading that whole thing.

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