Trying to help, but being taken advantage of ... how to handle this situation?

Show all answers

Fwine Slu

You must have a lot of patience and understanding to still be dealing with her after the first show of lies. If it was me, I'll give her salary alone because that is just right and I won't extend help to her and the family for them realize they lost a blessing/luck from being so ungrateful.

How old is that kid anyway?

Mrs.C

Being nice and being kind are two different things. You're playing it nice so it will definitely backfire. Since you have hired her you should have served a binding contract stipulating her actually needing to WORK for her pay rather than just extorting it from you. A professional relationship should be maintained even if you're helping her with other personal stuff like school expenses and groceries. Religion doesn't automatically assure you of ones kindness. Religion is only as good as it's positive effect to the person practicing it. I say, sit her with her parents present and tell them your expectations and your limitations. Reach a compromise excusing her on worship days and replace it with another work day. Serving the truth without any sugar coating is the only way to go.

If they were truly Witnesses she never would have taken a job that requires her to work on Saturday.
The parent taught lying and stealing, same thing really, and you taught her it works.
The only logical alternative I see is to tell her she will work for her pay and leave her problems at home or she will have to go.
If that doesn't work safeguard your business and get rid of her before she really does start stealing.
Give a man a fish he eats once. Teach him to fish and he can feed a family. Doesn't mean you are tied to them for life.
She is not a good employee. Why keep her?

piper

I think she is playing you. You've got to set boundaries when helping other people. Explain to her your rules and don't afraid to be frank, if she doesn't/won't understand, then let her go. There are other less fortunate people who are more deserving of your helping hand. Don't let yourself be abused like that.

Cutiekel

Ha, i know the feeling. i've been through that before. i got fed up, i've been used and abused. i just dropped them off like a hot potato. I did my best, but i guess for them, it wasn't good enough.

debbie2243

You have done more than your share. She is not your responsibility. If she works for you then she is to get her fair wage. Beyond that no more hand outs.

She will come to see that your generosity was not to be abused.

And in her defense..if I had a generous person lavishing expensive gifts on me and they kept it up ...I would encourage it also. She is immature.

No need to talk to the parents now since you probably had her mouth worked on without their permission. They may feel they don't want you, a stranger in their daughters life with that much influence.

Sam Gamgee

Gleaning from your story, I think you do not have any legal obligation. However, I'm not particularly sure about her status as a worker in your office. There might just be some labor issues there, but the facts are not clear. My point is: Stop helping. Period. Unless you really find it your moral obligation to help, in which case, its really your call, otherwise, stop helping her.

It appears that she does not have even the least appreciation to what you did. Help her by teaching her lessons on good manners.

maryjane

Talk to her parents. If you don't get satisfying answers, ask which Kingdom Hall they attend. Call there and ask to speak to an elder. Explain the situation and ask him to investigate.

Sherry B

It seems to me that you are making certain assumptions. Have you met the parents? Are you certain they are behind it? Maybe the child herself is just a bit greedy and she thinks she's found a goose that lays golden eggs.

I would speak to her parents, and then I would set my own boundaries. I would probably also speak to the elders in her congregation. Jehovah's Witnesses know that we must each "carry our own load" Galatians 6:5 This means each person must do what they can to care for their own obligations and needs. Not expect constant gifts from others. It could be that these people are not what they claim to be or it could be that the parents are totally unaware of what their daughter is doing. Either way you will have a much more clear picture once you have spoken to the parents.

Johny

Woah first of all I gotta hand it to you for being one of those rare few who actually can help in this world we live in. Ok I'm going to give it to you how I see things. You're generous and fair but at the same time are from a different culture to these people and now are having a rough patch because both sides don't understand one another. I get that you want to help her and don't get me wrong I'm totally for the girl to work hard and earn what she gets but please also don't forget that Filipino's are extremely family orientated to the point where situations like this occur.

Basically what you need to do is not tell this girl to tell her parents but actually take 30 minutes out of your day to actually meet with her parents and explain face to face how things are and how they are going to be. It's easy to tell the poor girl who is trapped between two parties who are ordering her pretty much what to do. So my advice is to arrange a simple meeting, be polite and just let them know you want to help their daughter but under no circumstances are you going to hand money out because as you said you are helping her out as it is. I'm sure you'll get alot better results by actually talking openly with her parents. Rather than telling the daughter who has no voice in her parents eyes to say my boss says this and that. You get what I mean right? They aren't going to listen to her because in their minds they see you as a cashed up foreigner.

In the end its up to you how you want to proceed but I would hate for you to give up on this girl because of something that can have a good result for all parties involved given alittle bit more effort on your behalf. I still can't believe that your taking time and resources to help someone there out and I applaud you as that just simply is getting harder and harder to find these days. Best of luck!

Big P

I would not waste my time talking to her parents or her source of influences because they already show signs of pure ignorance with no understanding. Someone in her family is using this girl as a puppet controled by strings. This is another form of pimping without the act of prostitution. Her parents has become the girl's agent.
This is so low and dirty of what her parents are doing.

Be careful, don't get sucked and personally attached to this girl because this is part of the scheme. The girl's vulnerable weak appearance and situation make you feel obligated to help and her parents know this.
This situation should indicate to you the state of mind and economic condition of the people in the girl's family.You need to protect yourself.
Her father could be a carreer criminal and hustler or her mother is a dried up and finished prostitute who can't make money anymore.

I would stop helping her and tell that I don't know her parents. End it right there and don't look back. No more sympathy. Continuosly tell her that YOU DON'T KNOW HER PARENTS.

Edit:
After a while, whoever is influencing her will recognize that your awareness has become sharper.

Ishvarlan feels Dangerous

I suggest talking with the parents.

The father you describe in NO way sounds like a Witness.

I've known several youngsters, and no so young,sters over the years who had very sad, and at times inventive stories about their Horrible parents. However, when I talked with these parents, it's amazing how quickly the truth came out.

One neighbor child often would come to our house, sometimes rather earlier or late, to use the phone. We knew his Grandmother, and so when he said she sent him over, we believed it. Turns out, right along, she had been giving him money to go make their private phone calls, which he then pocketed, then came to us with sob stories, and at times, rude demands.

No one, Witness or not, in their right mind would demand their child get paid, for Not working. It doesn't make Any sense.

k.pryde

First of all, I admire your generosity. It's good to hear that you are still willing to help the kid (not financially) despite of the excuses and lies the she did to you. I guess you're familiar with the quotes "do unto others, what you want others to do unto you" or "what you sow is what you will reap" or "the principle of karma".. etc. You see these things wouldn't matter if your heart is wrong. You will end up cursing the kid/family instead of blessing them. Give generously but with a "cheerful" heart. If you feel a single guilt, even mustard seed size of discomfort, then give nothing at all. It doesn't matter how big or small your gift is, as long as your intensions are good.

Secondly, I think I know what you are feeling right now. We (me and my husband) experienced almost the same scenario we were constantly helping a family and supporting their kid and it came to a point that our wedding was moved to another year coz our budget shrunk. I think it would be okay to confront the kid first and talk about the changes that has been happening lately in her work, school, and her attitude. You must let her/them know what you are thinking and esp feeling about the situation.

Lastly, find a solution. The office work option is good, maybe you could encourage her more if you tell her she'll be rewarded for a job well done. Train her on other things that you know her parents don't teach her - whether in business, school, good values and right conduct, or on how to compromise on things (give her a little touch of your major concern- the helping issue). Make her understand the opportunity you are giving her is what most kids would like, but she must learn to work hard to achieve whatever she wants. Remember that you can always be a good influence on the kid, its not too late to mold her.

Give it a shot. God bless.

annabelle p

Are you sure her family are Jehovah's Witnesses? I don't believe you. I am a JW myself and nowhere in our teachings do we do what you accuse (if it's true) the girl and her family are doing. Becoming a JW is not easy. You think it's as easy as getting into the organization and become a member. You have to renounced your old ways (attitudes, habits, character) - change everything in your life that belongs to Satan's world. Then you study the bible, read and study more books that will help you understand in your quest for the truth, attend regular meetings and worshiping which to Catholics is the holy mass. Then you go from house to house and do preaching work. When you're ready and have fully understood what you learned, most specially about God and His purpose...your purpose in serving God, and is ready to dedicate your life to Him you apply for baptism. Baptism in our case is not just a ritual. It is a symbol of dedication to start a new life and to serve God by doing His Will and emulate Christ by teaching others about God (like in the preaching we do).

So, pardon me but I can't believe the people you mentioned are really JWs. They might have been at one time members of the religious sect but could have committed something that caused them to be dis-fellowshipped (expulsion from the organization). This sometimes happen - not only in ours but in other religious organizations as well. We are but humans after all. The bible says...""Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths" (Psalm 25:4).

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it" (Matthew 7:13-14).

SCSI Commando

Take Sam and Debbie's advice: stop helping her, period.
You've given way too much by buying her groceries and paying for her dentals.
We don't know how involved her parents are, so it's simply best to stop giving.
In the future, evaluate what you are going to give.

Anne C

There are some people who are simply not worthy of a helping hand.

GROmmatically Correct

i'm assuming the kid is filipino. need you ask then?

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: