Why do they change?

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aUDREy TTT

Everybody is changing everyday for all matters...

When 2 person comes together, it is considered refreshing cos both parties dont know each other very well. So in order for the other party to love you, you tend to do a little bit more than your norm. This applies to the other party as well.

And just as the 2 of you gets to know each other a little more better than the beginning, you find out that you dont really know the other person really that well. So, you tend to do a little bit more than the 1st round so that the other party will still be in love with you. This applies to the other party as well.

Days... months... years then the 2 of you decides to get married...

1st year of married life, still not too bad. The magic still there but argument on who does the housework, who do this and who do that surfaced.
2nd year of married life, still consider not too bad. The magic still there but minus a little from the first year cos btoh parties are getting very tired for not being themselves when they were in courtship.
3rd year of married life.... the magic is getting lesser than year 2.
4th year of married life... the magic is getting even lesser...
(you guys can continue the list).

I won't use the word change. Just that both parties have got different role to play. And when 2 fellows gets married, the burden and responsibility gets heavier. We are human beings afterall. We cannot cope with being a husband/wife, a son/daughter, a father/mother, a boss/worker all at one time. The magic is still there just that we are too tired after work everyday.

Just remember that the magic will always be there if not the other party won't even bother to look at you...

anderson

how should i put it?? when you are dating, thing are new and have many things to discover on both party. when both of you know each other well, things will change.for example each of us will complaint the bad things/ bad habits of opposite sex and start to argue about it and all the magic is gone.our mentality change too. it is common in our society. it just like "panadol" first few times take it, it works fine but will not work if you take it regular.

Bo.$$

the only thing that is consistent is the CHANGE itself. The rest will keep changing. we can't control it. that's what i learned from somebody wise
It is important is to expect the unexpected and to get ourselves prepared for changes

back to question, it dies off normally because it was a fake (cinta palsu, tipu punya hehehe..), and the person can't pretend for so long. It's a common thing because one tends/tries not be him/herself on during dating

-edit-
Yvonne and Sarah, now you both get even oredi. seri 1-1, peace be upon both of you my friends

Arian

because the first time you were excited but know it isnt exciting true?

Beth Z

I think all couples act like that once they start dating to show affection towards each other, and make each other like one another more. Then once you are dating for awhile or get married, there's no need to show the world how much you care towards each other. You are still together, and grow up.

Alastair S911

Lemonade is partly right. The magic is still there, it's just supressed for greater "priority". But it will come back again.

Naelee

It's all the above and more..Relationships are one of the toughest jobs we have in life. The honeymoon period -- that timespan when both have their best foot forward and then sometimes, oftentimes actually, that wanes....people settle into each other like a comfortable old shoe...but the thing is, no one wants an old shoe...comfort yes, but what happens when the old shoe starts to take hold, is that we let ourselves go. We slowly stop making the efforts to be as kind and loving and looking nice...and in the bedroom, alot gets lost.

People get tired and then they get irritable then they just start co-existing....

Unfortunately, this happens all too often...but we DO have control over it. We can work at a relationship with the same gusto as we would any other job...because relationship = work plain and simple. If we want to make a good impression, we are kind in words and presence. It doesn't mean we have to lose ourselves or become an extension of our partner...it just means that if it matters enough, we have to care enough - deeply enough in our hearts - to not lose (or if lost, to regain) that magic.

You see couples married for 50+ years...what's their secret? My grandparents for one, are still so giddy in love with one another at the ripe ages of 80 plus. It's because they still LIKE one another. They treat each other like they are the best present ever and it's so evident in their eyes. They still hold hands and kiss and when I ask...basically what I gather, it's all in their attitudes towards one another. They not only love one another, they're each other's best friends.

saz_lasung

Its common to hear these kind of comments from people who have been in a relationship after quite sometime.. I guess its because both partners in the relationships have grown accustomed to each other that its not about the sparks anymore but more about the comfort that comes with it.. :)

But then again, not all relationships loose thier sparks.. Some do manage to maintain that "hot" chemistry between them and its very contagious... :) I guess sometimes it takes effort to keep the flame going...

lemonade

Married people normally will feel their love has gone because they have reach the zone of stability and comfort. They tend to feel that they don't need to do much of romantic stuff cause they think the idea of marriage is building their life together, have kids and etc. So romance is not their top prirority compared to their dating days.Sticking in the comfort zone(relaionship wise)too long can makes couples feel mundane and thus feeling loveless in marriage..

Julia S

You could explain this with a taking-for-granted answer, or you could think about the biology involved. Let's, shall we??

Love, like any other emotion, is a neurological event. You feel love because a neurotransmitter is emitted from your nerves to other nerves so your brain registers "love". Upon entering a relationship, the level of these happy, lovey-dovey neurotransmitters sharply increases so you get that walking-in-the-clouds feeling. Six to twelve months later, your brain stops emmitting high levels of this transmitter, so the emotion itself seems to take a dive.

Obviously, people don't always stop loving each other after six months of a relationship, and this is due to conditioning and actual emotional connection. Being with a loved one for years does not get completely boring if there is a good foundation, but the intense feelings generally go away after the so-called "honeymoon" period.

I hope this helps!!

nadiaaa

yeah its pretty much a common thing. happens all the time

Say what?

maybe because we are focusing on other matters at hand.. its not a priority change, our loved ones are still our top priority, but our focus shifted elsewhere on immediate matters.

I love my husband, sometimes i hurt him indirectly coz i focused on something else like my coming exam and i get agitated when he became so clingy. But i tried to make him understand that there is nothing in the whole world made me happier but him alone. We still have more 'greatest' moments coming our way thats for sure. We do crazy things together, things he never thought he would do like karaoke in the afternoon with me, watch midnight show like young couple etc., disco dancing unplanned etc.

Believe me, love hasnt change a single bit. Infact after u marry a person, the love flourish stronger and it only gets better and better. Dont let the silence kill it.

â™«â™¥TheBearâ™¥â™«

Everything changes... nothing remains without change. Being humans, we change through behavior, we change through understanding, we change from the heart. Since everything is a reflection of our minds, everything can be changed by our minds :-)

Shinou Atsumu

"you posted this in the wrong section girl, but to answer your humble question, many people dont look at it as you do. How we wish many people were like you. But i think you can get better answers at the other section (Family & Relationships) rather than here...good luck"

lazuardi.sepi

Because of us. Nobody change. But our mentality is changed!
Before this, in our mind said he/she is perfect. but after married, you always hope something great, you hope more than what he/she can do for u.another thing, we r so childish.for small matter, we want divorce.just because he/she forget ur birthday, u want divorce. why, before married, when he/she forget about ur birthday, u dun want break with him/her? because before married, in ur mind that u love him / her but he/she is not urs, so u try to make him/her is urs. but after married, he/she is yours.

same like a kids. before his mom buy his fav candy, he will try his best to get that candy. but after he get it and get it everyday,he will feel bore about that candy. and he dun want that candy anymore, but after that, he will miss that candy... maybe not after one or two days, but maybe after a month.

hmm... got it? it try my best to write in english although my english is too bad... hehehe... sorry

no money

many people said that marriage is the grave of love.

Well not all people actually.

Those who got the magic died off is probably bored with the relationship.
stress is also the other problem
I dont know..

Shah

Yup, that's life. Everybody changes & will look for something/someone new. That is why many people do not believe in marriages. Others take it as a chellenge & try to make it work/last. Love is only a feeling.

I can't believe the crap answers others are giving. We are part of nature & going againts it, is denial.

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