Should I leave my husband and NZ and me and the children go home to UK?

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Mel

Just leave him hun. You do not have to put up with this any more. If I lived near you I would tell you to get out and come on over. Have you got friends you can go to, leave when he's at work, go to a friends and fly out ASAP.

Legally he can challenge you for custody. But any judge would give you full custody by what you have said. He may be smart enough just to leave you alone and continue his miserable life in NZ.

As soon as you get to the UK, leave the kids with your parents and go to a lawyer, file for divorce and ask the lawyer if you should seek an AVO against him. It may help to go to the police, so if he does follow you, they know the situation.

He sounds like quite the bully but I'm he will get whats coming to him. Just get out now.

Julia

Don't think twice about it - come home.

Are your parents in the UK? I'm assuming they are. They will help you with the children while you are recuperating, and you will be in familar territory with the NHS support you are entitled to. You have admitted that your marriage is bad, your husband is abusive and a cheat, you are alone with him in a foreign country with your children who clearly come first in your life whereas he is more interested in abuse and body building.

Come home, leave him there, one day you will meet someone who treats you and your children properly, but in the meantime don't throw more good years after bad.

reggie

Yes leave, come home. Presume your parents are in the UK and will help you. Don't delay!

No, he can't stop you leaving and nor can he force you to return

he sounds like a animal.you should just book your air tickets on the quiet and leave him.

david

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS, WHERE IS YOURS. do what you know you have to do, for your children and yourself.

Degrassi Original

Leave him...FAST. He hasn't been in any way supportive of you and your children, as well as your parents.

Dangerous

From hearing your side of the story I would advise you to return to the UK first and foremost and stay with you kin. The fact is you've been dropped in a nation on the other side of the world and that alone isn't good for you in this state. I think you need to be back in a proper family environment that's very familiar to you.

Then see how he reacts before the final divorce decision.

Orla C

Go to the doctor, and go to the police and tell them what's going on. Contact a solicitor in NZ to see what the situation would be for you, if you can provide evidence of emotional abuse and cheating, I think you have a very good chance of being able to cut him loose for good. Get your children and go home. Try and contact his first wife to see what happened there, perhaps through your solicitor?

I know you loved him, which is why you gave him all those chances .... really, now you should just cut your losses and go. I know it's hard to finally accept it after all this time, but he isn't going to change.

adam f

leave him u and the kids would be much more happier

Zebra

Get legal advice first. If you have no money for a lawyer then call the Citizens Advice Bureau & book an appointment to see a free one. Or search online on NZ sites or UK ones as some lawyers offer free online advice. I would not leave without legal advice first, just in case it becomes a case of you "stealing" your children, etc. If he files for custody of your children this could make you look bad, particularly if you have never filed a complaint with police about his behaviour - you have no proof that you are escaping a desperate situation, it could just look like you're stealing your own kids away & not allowing him his rights re visitation, etc. Keep a level head, you have to think these things through, but of course go back to the UK once you have the legal advice in check. And if any emergency happens contact the Womens Refuge or Police. The police have victim support help you & it's free counselling, etc. Also consider befriending other UK people here in the meantime, there are lots of them here & you could do with their support & witnessing your situation, even if it's just you verbally telling them things, it's still evidence you were distressed about your partner & situation.

Tania C

I am sorry to hear what you've been going through.

The Hague Convention is likely to apply though - essentially it says that the court in the country where the children are habitually resident should make the decision about day-to-day care and contact. Since they've been living in New Zealand for two years, I think it's likely it would be held that New Zealand is where the decision should be made. Unfortunately, if you leave before you get court orders in place, there is a high risk that the children will be returned to New Zealand - though not necessarily to your husband's care. There is also a risk he will get orders preventing you removing the children from New Zealand in the first place.

Please contact a lawyer as soon as possible, whatever you decide to do, so that you know what your options are. You don't say what city you are in - but there is a national body - the New Zealand Law Society - which has links to lists of lawyers on its website, and includes a Family Law Section. Try and find one who specialises in International Family Law.

If you need free legal advice, you may be able to get assistance from your local Community Law Centre - but, it will only be basic information, they will probably refer you to a lawyer.

katie s

leave him - do not put u and ur children thorugh anymore misery...go to ur local authority explain the situ to them and they will provide help

Bella

It does seem to me that you have put up with more than enough. But they are his children too. Tell him what you plan to do - give him the opportunity to mend his ways. Remember though life is so difficult - the children will lose out too if you return to uk without there father.

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