I thought Canadian foods were healthy, but now....?

So I decided.......it's time to stop eating USA crap foods, and eat healthy Canadian foods. I wanted change, much like Barack Obama says "it's time for change in America!"

So I drank tons of "Red Eyes" for breakfast

I got salty fries and cafeteria gravy and cheese from a Taco Bell taco salad to make poutine, and I ate TONS of this poutine, like LOTS of it! I wanted to feel as Canadian as possible.

Then to make Canadian butter tarts (we don't get them in the states), I took butter and an appletart from burger king and stuffed 5 of them in my mouth. That was for dessert.

Then to make hemp milk, I tried to harvest the hemp myself, I grew some kind of plant, not sure what it was, but I got high as can be, and it looked just like hemp so I'm confused. I could have sworn in was hemp.

Then I just felt like plain sick....like really dizzy and sick, and came to conclude the problem must have been that I didn't drink enough Red Eye for breakfast.

So I drank 12 more Red Eye glasses for dinner.

Why is Canadian food making me sick? Is this a healthy pain? Is this just like a short-lived pain because my body is transforming from an American body to a Canadian body, and then I'll feel good?

*joke* (Give me some funny responses).
Additional Details
I put maple syrup in the Red Eye because I thought maybe it would PH-balance the Red Eye? You know...chemistry...acids and bases? same idea