My Turkish Fiance is asking me to wear a headscarf and convert to Islam-?

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alphadelicious

There aren't a lot of things more important than love, but your conscience is one of them. Unless if you happened to want to convert to Islam anyway, do not abandon your deepest beliefs for your fiance. It's not just a headscarf, he's making you convert to his religion, proving that he was never tolerant of the idea of marrying someone outside of his religion. Why is he telling you this now anyways - why didn't he ask you this before he proposed to you? Honestly, I think he has sinister motives by bullying you after the wedding is set. Even if you did convert to Islam, this could be a warning bell about his personality later on in marriage. I would seriously consider cancelling the wedding if he doesn't accept your beliefs.

Totally Blunt

I'm sorry that you faced such a question after 2.5 years. It's really unfair.

Wearing the headscarve isn't just a dressing issue. It is a lifestyle and mentality issue.

I can't accept that a man demands a woman to change what she is. Especially if you are not a religious person, you would find it hard to accept the demands and pressure.

If you were my sister, I would make anything in my power to make you break up with the guy. One year of heartbreak is nothing when compared with a lifetime suffering.

If his family demands that you be covered, that's worse in so many ways that I don't know where to start.

Irmak

Deny.

He can't force u for anything.

Qu'est ce que tu pense?

If you don't want to wear it, then tell him you prefer not to. In Turkey, not many people wear headscarves anymore. The people who wear them are either old people or villagers. I think if your fiance has been living in the US for 2 1/2 years and you plan to live in the US, you shouldn't have to wear the headscarf. If you tell him you don't want to wear the headscarf and he doesn't agree with you, then I don't think he's even worth your time if he doesn't want to respect you. On the other hand, if you want to wear the scarf then I don't see any reason to ask permission from a bunch of Y! users.
When it comes to the matter of religion, I think you should follow your heart to which faith YOU prefer and NOT what HE prefers. Religion is from the heart and not by outside forces telling you what to believe. Convert to whichever religion suits you. Good luck!

hanibal

I'm Turk .

Don't listen him.

beez

If this is his requirement, think long and hard about continuing with this man unless you truly want to do this. If you do go to Turkey, pay close attention to how women are treated in that culture.

Lyns

Explain to him that if you don't beleive in it then there is no point doing it. He and his family should accept you as you are.

I do not beleive in any religion at all and if my partner suggested we have a traditional wedding in a church then I wouldn't go through with it. what is the point of making vows to a god or system you don't beleive in?

Almost all the Turkish women I know DO NOT wear a headscarf and don't really follow Islam but then again they are from the tourist areas and have been subjected to a more European way of life than maybe Turkish women from small villages who may have had no contact with people from outside of Turkey

istanbul bogazi

Tell him that in Turkey, women don't wear headscarves, it is a modern country and he can not force you to do anything. Whether he accepts you as you are or he can go away.

mertev

leave him,find someone else

Tanju

Hi,

Noone can be force someone to wear a headscarf and convert to Islam ...

I am a Turk and Muslim, and my wife does not use headscarf ...

So, up to you, no obligation, There is no obligation in Islam ...

Take Care

dazedandconfused

I would say it would be acceptable for you, and respectful to him and his family to maybe wear it while you're in Turkey, but as far as converting and wearing it all the time, that would have to be something for you to think long and hard about before agreeing to it. Surely he will understand...how would he react if you asked him to convert to being agnostic? (or whatever the word is). He would either think long and hard about it, or refuse flat out.

Zelda Hunter

I understand the head scarf issue can be very contentious in Turkey. Are you moving to Turkey? Did you talk about the head scarf issue and why he wants you to wear it? I would just ask him to talk about it in detail. If you are only going for a visit to his family and wearing a head scarf will make everyone feel more comfortable, then by all means do it! Ask him to advise you about the kind of scarves you'll need to buy.
Religion is a very personal issue and probably it's not a good idea to go into it casually. It's one thing if he asked you to study Islam and consider conversion, and it's something else to demand it. If you give in casually to this request, then he'll be able to boss you around all of the time. Consider carefully please.
My husband is a Muslim (not a strict one at all), and we had a dual Muslim/Christian wedding ceremony. I don't consider myself a Christian any more, but rather an Agnostic who believes in God. My husband has never asked me to convert to Islam, and I feel that probably I should at least read the Koran one of these days, just out of respect to him.

Hurricane

i think that's unacceptable for you to cover your head being a christian.he should respect your religion if you are in a serious relationship.when you come to Turkey you will see that only a few women covers their head so there is no head scarf issue in Turkey.So you shouldn't cover your head i think.Tell him that you don't want to cover your head believe me almost everybody in the streets are not using it.if he is open minded enough he will understand you,he has no right to force you to change your religion and cover your head.

.:::Niko:::.

If he s askin u to wear a headscarf then tell him to go to HELL I bet he's an arab or a kurd (ethnicity) A real Turkish man would NEVER ask his fiance to wear a headscarf. Choice is yours just tell him u don't wanna wear that piece of crap. Good luck

I am Turkish

lenie

please don't get me wrong but I guess you got the wrong one Turkish. I'm not Muslim and when I met my boyfriend 2 years ago in Istanbul I asked him what would happen with this religion question if we will get in to close relationship. He explained me that in Koran it's saying that no one can be pushed to believe in their god.You are free to choose to believe or not to cover your head or not... Anyway we got married this September I'm living in Istanbul and question about my religion is closed to him and to all his family. So be strong and ask for some respect to your self.

Drake & Josh

Tell him that Turkey is a modern country and that you don't need to wear headscarf........headscarfs does not represent Turkey

\

he must be a sick man after all this time he asking for tthis. get rid off him. you can not be happy with a man telling you what to wear.he must be kurdish or arab origin. bet he is jealous too. its not late ! get rid off him!!!! NOW!

MORTÄ°CÄ°A

Just forget about him.
If he loved you without he headscarf he can contÄ±nue on loving you without it. Just let hi know that you dont want to wear that thing , if he doesnt accept then tell him to goto hell and that with this mentality he would be better of in Ä°ran not i the USA. He is using every facility and benefits of the US and tries to live in the dark age .

budred

I suggest you break up now. Are you willing to form into the person he wants you to be? Doesn't he love you for who you are? He's never asked you to do anything like that before, well, what other surprises do he have in store for you?
Have you seen the Sally Fields movie, "Not Without My Daughter"? The true story of Betty Mahmoody, an American housewife who was trapped with her daughter in Iran during a visit to her husband's family in 1984. Mahmoody's husband is an Iranian doctor, seemingly Americanized after twenty years in the United States. Back in his native country, however, and under the influence of his Muslim relatives, the doctor suddenly and wholeheartedly embraces the tenets of Islamic fundamentalism. He forces his wife to wear a veil, informs her that they are never returning to the United States and threatens to kill her when she tries to escape. Stripped of her rights and her American citizenship, Mahmoody finds herself a prisoner in an alien and hostile society and must risk her life to smuggle herself and her four-year-old daughter out of Iran.Betty Mahmoody (Sally Field) is an American woman, wife of an Iranian-born doctor, who travels to Iran under her husband's pretense of a vacation. She is horrified to learn her husband intends to live there and refuses to allow her or their daughter to leave. She then begins a desperate and dangerous plan to escape the country with her daughter. Based on a true story.
Is that what you want in your future? What are your friends and family advising you to do? Girl, you need to run from that man as fast as you can before it's too late. Good luck and I hope you make the right choice. Don't think that what happened in the movie won't happen to you. You already see that he's full of surprises and they are not good surprises.Are you willing to give up your American citizenship and your future childrens American citizenship? Love is a very beautiful thing when you are with someone who isn't set out to change you totally. May GOD bless you and guide you to make the right decision. I'm sorry this is so long but that question really needs a longer answer.

Claudia

Also from me....Turkey is a modern country.And when you don`t want to wear a Headscarf just leave it.His Family has to take you just the way you are and when he doesn`t stand on you`r side now then tell him to go and never come back.

Trotsky vs Kerensky- ÐÐµÐºIÐ¾!

I'm Turkish.

Dump him right away. No one can tell you what to wear and which religion to choose. I mean not only for religion, who the hell does he think he is to tell you such a thing. I hate men like that, ew! Anyway, I am religious in my own way. I mean I am not a practicing Muslim and I don't cover myself up in anyway, but I believe in my religion without a whit of doubt. But I would never ever tell my bf/ fiancÃ© / husband -whatever- to convert.

Listen to me, don't ruin your life. Do NOT cover your head up! It isn't "Islamic" it is "Arabic". You'll see when you get here there aren't many women covering their heads in Turkey.

ÕŽÔ±Õ€Ô·

Islamic rules are very strict, for most of Muslims its too hard to forget about their religion or take easy about it.
Maybe he doesn't believe that rules that strongly, but I think maybe he is doing it (asking you to obey Islam) for his family, after all they are older and probably more traditional.
It depends on you, but I wouldn't ruin my life because of the wrong, strict and old-fashioned way of thought of some other people.
I prefer my freedom to everything.
Again, its up to you.

not fair

he is asking you to wear headscarf now, wait till you get married
before anything make sure he understands where you coming from.
clear everything for him from the start.

tell him exactly what u believe in and what you will do or not do
for the sack of a religion.

good luck

Lucy

I was married to a Palestinian Muslim and he NEVER once told me how to dress. He supported me in my education and in everything in general. He was also the better cook between the two of us, and he the cleanest person I have ever seen, especially in the kitchen. Anyway... if I had gone to his country I would wear it just because I would not want to stick out. You know, when in Rome, do as Romans do. There are also Palestinian Christians, and they don't wear head scarves.... so I guess it would be entirely up to me. I know I would have to wear one when visiting a mosque. I would totally respect that.

About your situation - if he expects you to wear it all the time - it's not a good sign. Why would you want to wear it in the US? I have Arab/Muslim women friends in the US who DON'T wear it. So, my conclusion is that he will expect you to change a lot more if he is imposing this on you at this time. Be careful - some people are nice, some are controlling. If you like being told what to do - stay with him; if not, run the other way. It gets worse.

No disrespect to anyone - just think about it -it makes sense.

EDIT - WOW - look at all the Turkish ladies (and some gents) who agree with me! That is a red flag right there. If they wouldn't do it, and they're Muslim Turks - leave him, and leave him fast!

Slick Rick

Sounds a bit Hardcore . he or his family must be very religious .
wheres he from in Turkey ?
Its not a requirement to wear a headscarf in Turkey in fact I see more in London than I do in Izmir .
It should be your choice, if your not religious then you wont embrace "ALLAH" so to speak so whats the point in pretending.

I would ask him exactly why he wants you to ware one.
Its a Muslim belief that only Muslims will go to paradise after death so if you are of different religions then in his eyes you wont be together. perhaps hes thinking way ahead.
Some of the elder Turks are more serious with Islam and theres a hierarchy of respect from the younger to the elder, basically they expect you to do what they want, but in my experience they also understand that your foreign and from a different culture so they can be more tolerant.

Ps; I find it an advantage not to be able to speak so much Turkish in those close family enviroments.

Rain

A Muslim can live outside his country for many years, but as soon he returns, he will get back to his traditions, habits and rules, even though he might not like it himself, his family and surroundings are asking for it. It depends also in which place he lives, mostly in rural areas (villages) people are very strict, its looser in big cities.
In your case it seems that your fiance is asking you this because of his family and friends. If you like to win the hearts of your inlaws, you have to follow his wishes.
He also asks you to convert to Islam.Think about it and do it only if you feel thats the right belief for you, dont do it to please him and his family. It is a big step and change of life. Think twice, the man you know since 2 1/2 years will be not the same in his country.

mountainofshadow

Well i think his family is traditional and religious.You can wear one as respect like when you are visiting holy places.Just discuss that situation and try to examine what kind of questions will come.If he wanted you be a Muslim sorry but better leave him.Not because Ä±slam is something that need to be avoid but that is not your choice and you didn't want that.

Bored

Ask your Fiance to show you where in the Kuran it states women MUST wear head scarves and if he can then you will.
The fact is the Kuran does not stipulate that women must be covered from head to toe or even wear a head scarf. That is more of a cultural thing rather than religious, you'll note that a lot of Christians also cover their heads i.e. Nuns, Greeks, people from the Balkans, need I say more. You chose him you decide.

crazygirl158

I would definitely not do that!!! His family may be a closed family but don't change your religion. If he was religious enough he would know that changing your religion is a huge sin. I'm turkish, i don't wear a head scarf and I'm a perfectly normal and accepted citizen. His family may be pressuring him in a way but don't do that! I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with it.

andreas

Divorce him

Å‹oÑThÎµÑÅ‹

Just "DON'T DO IT" if he insist u to wear then tell him it's over

My Turkish Fiance is asking me to wear a headscarf and convert to Islam-? pic 1
My Turkish Fiance is asking me to wear a headscarf and convert to Islam-? pic 2
My Turkish Fiance is asking me to wear a headscarf and convert to Islam-? pic 3

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