Does anyone know any good jokes?

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kittykid

My good friend, there are NO 'bad' jokes !
Only our individual mentalities make a joke 'good', or 'bad' !

koogii

hahaha.com

eggcatcher

This chap was on safari in Africa. He spots an elephant lying on the ground with a huge thorn in its foot. he carefully goes up to the elephant and removes it. The elephant gets up looks at him and trots happily away.

Twenty years later in London a circus prosession is coming down the street as the elephant get near to him it goes mental and charges him picking him up and throwing him against a wall!!!!!!!

It was a different elephant!!

gak67au

What do you call a man in the toilet?

John

What do you call a lady leaning against your bedroom wall?

ilene

What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?

doug

What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head?

douglass

What do you call a man outside your front door?

Matt

kemi A

I am so stricken

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit.

"Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back
pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning
in the eyes, congested lungs..."

"Sir," said the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't
you have?"

The man answered, "Teeth."

fojo81

Why did the bird go to hospital?

For tweet-ment :->

hawaiian_shorts91

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde decided to go to the toilets together to fix their make-up. Sitting outside the toilets was an old lady, who told them these words, "There is a magic mirror inside those toilets. If you go up to it and say something truthful, you will receive a wonderful prize. If, however, you lie, you will be sucked into the mirror forever...".
The three girls decided to try this mirror out. First, the redhead approached the mirror, and said, "I think I'm the smartest of us three", and boom! She felt something in her pocket. She looked and saw car keys to a nice Lexus.
Then it was the brunette's turn. She went up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the prettiest of us three", and boom! Her phone started ringing. It was that boy she had been crushing on for a long time. He just asked her on a date!
Finally, it was the blonde's turn. She approached the mirror, and said, "I think...", and was immediately sucked into the mirror.

PeeMee

Man goes into pub, and asks for a pint, while barman is getting it , he looks around the pub and sees a dog licking himself, and says to barman"My word i wish i could do that" barman says " if you give him a biscuit he might let you "!!!!

Jigsaw

George Bush ( that count ..?)

paulrgreasley

Me and Alex went to the pub last night, I said to him "Want to play darts?" he said "Yeah, Ok nearest the bull starts"..... He went "Baa" is said "Moo".... Alex said "You start"...

sling it bird

A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly
the girl, being a bit on the kinky side yells out, "Oh big boy, whip me,
whip me!"
The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously does
not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the
window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until
they both collapse in a sadomasochistic ecstasy.
About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping
session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these
marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes,
she did.
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought
so, because...in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of
van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

andy_williams82

how do you sink and irish submarine??

knock on the door

p_sathiish

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

tess

A guy wanted to lose weight. He went to diet center. It offered plan A or B. He took plan A.
He was taken to a room and a pretty girl with a "if you catch me you can **** me" sign was waiting for him. He never caught her but he lost 20lbs.
After 3 days he tried plan B. A gorilla was in the room with sign"I will **** you when I catch you."

HarryBore

what do you call a big headed guy with poo-poo on it.

Big poo poo head.

--------------------

what happened to the Frog that broke down

he got toad away
(thanks to my 4 year old for that one)

----------------------------

whats brown and sticky

a stick

----------------------------

Lilac Lady

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're p!ssed.

markrules2k1

whats worse then fnding 6 dead baby's in a dustbin........

finding one dead baby cut up in 6 dustbins.

*Neha.*

i do, i do, i do.....>>>>>>

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China..........lol

micknmim

Why is there no Anadin in the jungle?

Cos the parrots-eat-them-all

eatkingjohn

SUCH IS LIFE. YES

yogesh

Once there were 2 men and 1 sardar.

jaipurjohn

Guy goes to the doctor."Doctor,Doctor I think I have a strawberry growing on my head." Doctor says, "You certainly have. I'll give you some cream for it!"

sachin p

Try www.funtoosh.com It is really good. Have a nice laugh.

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