Ireland travel section, how do you give an Irishman an exorcism?

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Aisling xx

Had you nothing better to do than write that crap?
Get a life girl!

Langer

HOW TO POOP AT WORK:

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop
in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.
If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.
No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the where
abouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments
that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET

A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Guillaume D

argh they fergot to send your hallucination pills in the mail again... <calls local asylum>

Know It All

You SHOULD talk to Eoghan about this :-D

btw, are you from Ireland?

Langer

I haven't a clue!

Russ

In order to perform an exorcism on an Irishman you must follow these steps:

1. Contact a local Leprechaun and offer him all the Lucky Charms and Irish Stew that he can eat in exchange for performing the exorcism.

2. Fill your bathtub with cold water, and add 6 ounces of 24k gold, 6 large potatoes, and 6 four leaf clovers.

3. When the Leprechaun gives you the signal, remove the Irishman's and your clothing, pull him into the tub with you, and start cramming the gold, potatoes, and 4 leaf clovers into his anal cavity while the Leprechaun does the rest... Good Luck... LOL

CAT^

Leave him at the Emergency Room door at any NYC hospital. The hospital staff will take care of the rest. Good thing you broke off with the crazy dude.

Eddie F

This is a genuine question, and I understand your concerns..

You really need to get the President involved with this one, may I suggest you wheel him into the white house? - Obviously in full view of the secret service... Maybe they might catch you in their hair wires... and.... BANG! one less looneytune to deal with..

I Say, Old Chap!

I'm sorry, but I had terrible trouble with my wisdom teeth but the dentist says they don't need to be pulled out.

Sshhhh! It's Podge and Rodge

We're not sure but we'd love to pay you a visit some time.
That oil wrestling is making us fierce excited!

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