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What you should do when meeting Vietnamese at the first time? These are some general notes which help you to be polite with Vietnamese culture and people.
Greeting People
Most of the Vietnamese in urban areas no longer bow when they meet each other. In formal gatherings, at religious place, and sometimes in the country areas, one may see the people clasp their hands together in a prayer-like gesture and bow slightly. This is not practiced to any extent in everyday life in Vietnam as it is in neighboring Thailand.
The custom of handshaking, formerly considered barbaric to the Vietnamese, is now achieving popularity due to the Western influence in the country. Men will generally shake hands and say the equivalent of "how are you" and tip their hats when greeting people. Women, especially those in the countryside, still shy away from shaking hands, especially with men from their own country. It is best not to offer to shake hands with a woman unless she offers her hand first.
Introductions
Whereas Americans often immediately introduce themselves in given situations, the ordinary people of Vietnam think this to be rather bold and like to have a mutual acquaintance make the introduction. They will rarely introduce themselves when going into a home or office until asked to do so. This may be due to their innate shyness and modesty.
vietnamese people
Names carry great importance in Vietnam. Often Vietnamese will have secret names, known only to themselves and their parents. If it is given away, the person believes he is exposed to evil spirits. Except in rare cases, family names are seldom used outside of the family circle. Children are often called names in rank of birth, such as Chi-hai, Chi-ba (daughter two, daughter three).
One should call Vietnamese people by Mr., Mrs., or Miss until asked to go on a first name basis. They do not do this as quickly as Americans in their relationships with people. Especially important, when in the company of a third person, your friend must be called by his name with a Mr., Miss, or Mrs. proceeding it, as the case may be. If this is not done, it may suggest great intimacy or friendliness, or can also be interpreted as being arrogant treatment of the individual by a superior.
Most Vietnamese names consist of a family name, middle name and a personal or given name. The order is reverse to the American custom. For instance, John Paul Jones’ name in Vietnamese style would be Jones Paul John. However, we do not call someone by his family name in Vietnam. If we use the names for instance, Miss Hau Dinh Cam. Hau is the family name. We would call her Miss Cam. Jones Paul John would be Mr. John. On very informal occasions, we might at their request call them Cam or John, but would always add a Miss or Mr. to the name in the presence of other people outside of the group.
An exception to this rule dates back to traditional customs of long ago when beloved leaders were called by their family names.
It is desirable to call Vietnamese professional and government officials by their title, i.e., Mr. Assemblyman, Mr. Doctor, Mr. Lieutenant, etc.
Taboos in Personal Relationships
It is best to call to people in a quiet voice, using their names preceded by Mr. Mrs., or Miss. Waving or beckoning with an upturned finger is considered highly impolite. If you must silently signal for someone to come toward you, do so by using the whole hand with the palm turned down. Not to do so would indicate an air of authority or superiority over the person being called or beckoned.
Never touch anyone on the head as this would be considered as a personal insult to the individual and perhaps even to his ancestors. Many Vietnamese believe the spirit resides there. Hence, the belief is that if a person is beheaded, his spirit will roam forever without finding a resting place. Also, don’t touch anyone on the shoulder. Some people believe that a genie resides there and it is undesirable to disturb him. If you mistakenly touch one shoulder, you must also touch the other shoulder and this helps offset the bad luck.
Confusing Personal Traits of Vietnamese
Vietnamese people have a habit of not looking into your eyes when they talk to you. This is often because of shyness, but one of the main reasons is that traditionally they do not look into the eyes of those they respect or those higher in rank when talking to them. This is to indicate politeness.
The smile of a Vietnamese can be very confusing in Vietnam to an outsider and cause misunderstandings. In some Oriental countries, a smile can mean sorrow, worry, or embarrassment. In Vietnam, it may indicate a polite, but perhaps skeptical reaction to something, compliance or toleration of a blunder or misunderstanding, or on occasion represents submission to judgment that may be wrong or unfair. This is particularly true if the one making the judgment is at a superior level and perhaps has lost his temper. For instance, a laundress |
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It depends on the individual situation.
I have several Vietnamese friends who are teachers, one who is a librarian, another is a retired forest-science researcher, yet another is a veteran of the American war - he was on the losing side and lost his leg aling the way - now he and his wife sell beer and snacks in front of a "binh thuong" hotel on the main street in front of a so-so hotel in a central coastal town. I know a small person who sells sodas and snacks from a tiny stall on a street in Hanoi. I know another lady who has a small shop in a small town outside of Hanoi - her husband is off somewhere working. And I know others - one guy who can afford a mercedes. My former landlord sold our rental house for an incredible amount of money, and bought a very expensive BMW - even though he didn't know how to drive a car.
My teacher friends are middle class - by any reasonable standard. Same for my retired friend, although he and his wife are on a tighter budget. The veteran and his wife are on the low end of the economic spectrum, but they have kids who no doubt support them.
I have also met lots of poor villagers - living on the proverbial shoe-string.
And I once had the chance to meet the "Bill Gates" of Vietnam - at least that is how my friend introduced him. He didn't look or act like it - but then what I have seen of Bill Gates, he doesn't seem to act the part either. |
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